Cycle Bust?

Starting on Sunday, cycle day 11, I've been taking (using?) an OPK every morning to try and pinpoint when I ovulate during my cycle. I've read a lot of blogs where women have used OPKs as well as done a bit of research, so I know that as your cycle goes on, the second line is supposed to get darker until it becomes as dark, or darker, than the control line, indicating that you've ovulated. It's not supposed to get lighter, as mine have.

Sunday, the line was faint, but easily to see. Monday, the line looked a bit lighter, but still visible. Today, the line was pretty much gone. Looking back, I should have done a second test this morning to make sure that the first one wasn't bad, but that would have taken too much brain power. I can barely put pants on in the morning, let alone problem solve.

Now I know that this could mean that I either a) ovulate way early in my cycle, b) ovulate later than the norm, which is approximately cycle day 14, or, I could just not be ovulating at all, despite what my doctor said about the three months after birth control being our best chance. We already know that my ovaries have a tendency to hold my eggs hostage. After four months of missed periods and negative pregnancy tests, I finally went in to see Dr. B and he diagnosed me with PCOS which explains why I hadn't been ovulating. We were hoping that 1500 mg/day of Metformin to get my levels under control and some weight loss (20 pounds down baby!) would force my body to begin its duties again, but so far, it's a no-go.

Now I knew that getting pregnant on my first cycle was as slim as winning the Mississippi lottery, but I'm still feeling discouraged. Logically, I know that these first few cycles will be used to either pinpoint when I'm ovulating, or to prove to my doctor that despite the medications and weight loss, I'm not ovulating at all (which I feared would be the case.) My brain knows these things, but my heart hasn't caught up yet.

Keegan and I have been doing our part just in case, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm going to continue taking OPKs throughout this cycle as well as throughout the next cycle to see if I show any signs of ovulation. If I continue to have negatives throughout next cycle, I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. B and talk to him about the next step, which will probably be cycles with Clomid. There's no point in pretending that I'm going to ovulate on my own when my OPKs and temperatures clearly show that I'm not.

Now, I know that it's suggested that OPKs should not be used with first morning urine because your LH surge could happen later in the day, but I honestly have no choice. I don't think my co-workers would appreciate me littering the bathroom with cups of pee and OPK sticks. Does anyone know if I'm messing things up by using them first thing in the morning? Honestly, any tips or words of encouragement would be appreciated. Even though I knew that this cycle wouldn't work out, that didn't stop me from hoping just a little bit.