HSG Follow Up Appointment

I had my HSG follow up appointment on November 18. My RE started by saying that she had reviewed my HSG video and it looks like I had good filling and spillage from my left tube, and good filling, but undetermined spillage from my right. Any dye that spilled out of my right tube flowed behind my uterus, so it was difficult to see if the dye that we saw was from my left, or right tube.

She also noted that there was a mass in my uterus, that could be scar tissue from my c-section, or a polyp. She suggested doing an SIS to see if they could better figure out what, and where, the mass was. Thankfully, she was able to take time out of her schedule to do the SIS right away, which saved me from another 3 hour drive.

The plan was to insert a catheter into the uterus, fill the uterus with saline, and use an ultrasound probe to see the shape of the uterine cavity and whatever mass is in there. My RE had a student with her, so I gave the go ahead for the student to try to insert the catheter first. After a few unsuccessful and painful minutes, my RE decided to take over. There was lots of moving, scooting, repositioning and pain, but no matter how I laid, or how my RE tried to maneuver the catheter, she couldn't get it past my cervix.

She said she wasn't 100% sure why there seemed to be a blockage, but suggested we do surgery to explore what was blocking my cervix, and to see what the mass in my uterus is.  My hysteroscopy is scheduled for December 10, at an unknown time. I will be put under for the procedure so my RE can "maneuver things more without causing pain."

I won't know the time of my surgery until the day before, so I've been in another 2ish week wait (funny how infertility revolves around those!) Thankfully the ladies in a Facebook group have been able to calm my fears and answer any questions I have. I'll update after the procedure to tell you what they found!

HSG Results

Tuesday November 3rd, I had an HSG to check for scar tissue left over from my c-section. Thankfully I had an all female staff this time around, so they could emphasize with how crappy the situation was. Once I was prepped, the radiology tech inserted the speculum, and catheter which the dye would go through, but then had to pause. The doctor who wanted to look at the results wasn't in yet, so we had to wait for him to arrive. I had to lie for 10 minutes with the tech's hand in my vagina while we waited, so the catheter wouldn't fall out. Most awkward 10 minutes of my life. There's only so much small talk you can make with another woman's hand up your ho-ha.

Finally the doctor arrived, and we got the procedure underway. When the dye was squirted into my uterus, it was clear that both tubes filled, but we could only see spillage from the left tube. The doctor suggested doing another round of dye to see if we could get the right to spill, but we weren't able to see if it did.

Thankfully both times weren't too painful, besides a few sharp twinges. I had some spotting that afternoon and evening, but it cleared up by the next morning.

Thursday, I received this message from my RE:

I have a follow up appointment on the 18th at which I'm assuming we'll talk about the HSG results, results from the ultrasound, and schedule surgery. I'm hoping it's something small which can be taken care of with a simple surgery. I'm assuming it will be suggested that we don't TTC during December, so our first medicated cycle will be in January. I'll update after my appointment on the 18th. 

Test Results - TTC Baby #2

I'm happy to say that all of my tests came back negative. My glucose level was slightly high, but I wasn't told to fast before the test, so that may have been the cause. The hemoglobin a1c test shows that I do not have diabetes, which is great. My dad did send me a message, saying that both Lupus and APS are auto-immune diseases, so even though I don't have markers for them now, there is a chance I could still get it later in life. But for now, I'm good to try and conceive again!

My next step is an HSG whenever my cycle starts to check for scar tissue left over from my c-section. My cycle is due to start over the weekend, so the HSG will either be next Tuesday, or the Tuesday after, depending on when my clinic has an opening.

TTC Baby #2

Today Keegan and I drove the 2.5 hours to Alabama to meet with our RE to talk about trying for baby #2.

There has been a lot of talk about when to try again; if we want to try again, if we can handle it both emotionally and physically. I ended up calling in August, just to see if we could get in, and originally had an appointment in September. Unfortunately that was cancelled by my RE and moved to today. Over the past few weeks, I've simultaneously wanted the days to fly by, and to slow down. I'm excited about growing our family, but I'm not excited about the medications, the blood draws, and the disappointment. I tossed and turned all night, going between dreams of having multiples and waking up knowing in the pit of my stomach that this wouldn't work again.

The biggest worry that we have is that my father has antiphospholipid antibody syndrome, which makes his blood clot too easily. He also has Lupus and vitiligo. I noticed that I have vitiligo this summer, so I knew there was a chance that his other diseases could have been passed down to me as well. I was supposed to get tested when we were trying to conceive before, but our last ditch Clomid cycle worked before I could get tested. We decided that I needed to get tested before we have try to conceive again, because if I do have any of the diseases, we will seriously need to consider if we're going to have another biological child.

Dr. M agreed with my concerns, so I got 8 vials of blood drawn to test for all of that, along with diabetes. Dr. M was concerned about my chance of diabetes because I have PCOS, had gestational diabetes, and my c-section incision still isn't 100% healed, which can be an indicator of diabetes.

When my cycle starts in November, I will have an HSG done to see if there is any scar tissue left over from my c-section. If there is scar tissue in my uterus, I will need to have surgery to remove it so that it does not interfere with an embryo implanting. If I have scar tissue on one of my ovaries or fallopian tubes, then Dr. M said we can work with the other one. I'm not sure what will happen if there's tissue on both, we didn't discuss that.

If my blood work and HSG come back clean, then we will start cycles with Clomid. Clomid worked in the past, so we're hoping it'll work again. Dr. M said she's hoping to see me pregnant within the next 6 months, and while I appreciate her optimism, I'm not allowing myself to get my hopes up.

So for now, we wait. Wait on blood results, and then wait for my cycle to start so that I can do the HSG. Again, I'm anxious to get the ball rolling, but I'm also enjoying these last few weeks of freedom from needles and dildo cams.

Update - Kieran Is Almost A Year!

Not really sure where I should start this since it's been almost 2 months since I've written here.

Life's good. Busy, but good. Kieran will be a year on August 14th and is an amazing little boy. He's pulling up, and is so close to walking. He's also babbling up a storm and his favorite word is "dada." We've started thinking about his first birthday party. We're going to do a small backyard BBQ, mostly because he's going to be one and won't remember it, but also because we're going to be coming back from vacation two days before the party, and won't have time for anything elaborate.

We've started talking about trying for baby #2. We've been loosely trying since my period came back in late April when I was about 7.5 months postpartum. I say "loosely" because we're trying the "track ovulation and have sex" approach, except I haven't been able to confirm ovulation during any of my cycles.

Cycle 1 (35 days long) there was no ovulation detected.
Cycle 2 (36 days long) the most positive OPK was on CD29, but I wouldn't call it positive enough for ovulation.
I'm currently on cycle 3 which started unexpectedly with spotting on CDs 17, 18, 19 and 20, then full blown flow on what was supposed to be CD21. I know for a fact that I didn't ovulate because I had only stopped bleeding 7 days before I started spotting again.

My periods have been a lot longer and heavier postpartum, so I'm hoping they regulate and lighten up soon. I went back on Metformin through my general physician and am back up to 2000 mg per day. It's been making me sicker than I remember before I was pregnant, but that's most likely due to the fact that I'm not doing the low amylose diet like I was before.

I also recently realized that I have vitiligo, like my dad does. I suspected that I had it for a while, because white patches can be seen on my knees when I get some sun, but in June I realized it had spread to my hands. My dad said that his got worse in his mid-20s as well, so I suppose it's just a matter of waiting to see how bad it gets. Vitiligo is an autoimmune disease, so I'm going to bring it up to my RE when we go back to her and see if she thinks it has anything to do with my infertility.

We've decided to speak to my OB and see if she's willing to do anything treatments with us before going straight back to our RE. I love working with my RE, but she's 3 hours away and since Kieran is only in childcare 2 days a week, it makes planning trips over there difficult if both Keegan and I want to go. I go back for my yearly well woman check up some time in August, so I'm going to speak with my OB then about what the possibilities are.

Hope you all are well. I'm still reading, even if I'm not commenting much. Twitter and Facebook are better ways to keep in touch with me, so let me know if you want to be friends on either of those platforms.

TMI Of A Different Sort

Stole this from Tracy at Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen. Thought these questions would be fun to answer so you can learn things about me that don't have to do with my lady bits. 

Four jobs I’ve had:

1. Lifeguard/swim coach/swim class instructor. My first "big girl" job that lasted me through high school and the majority of college. I was a lifeguard during the summers (and sometimes on the weekends during the school year,) a swim team coach during the summers, and a swim class instructor during the school years. Seeing 4 year olds overcome their fear of the water has been one of my proudest moments. 

2. Cashier at my college's art museum gift shop. Work study job that paid waaaaaaaaaay too little. :)

3. Cashier and key holder at Hot/Topic. Love the people I worked with, hated the (majority) of the spoiled teens that came in to shop. It was always fun to help Grandma pick out the long pants with chains for her sweet Johnny's Christmas present, though. 

4. Gallery Director at a non-profit art gallery. Was an art major in school and figured I would be living in a cardboard box while working at the above mentioned store the rest of my life. Very thankful that I found a job in my major. Kind of makes those thousands of dollars in debt worth it. 

Four movies I’ve watched more than once:

1. Pitch Perfect - me too Tracy! 

2. The Sound of Music - have all of the songs memorized 

3. Pretty much any Pixar movie 

4. Fast and Furious 1-3. Haven't seen any of them past the third movie. 

Four books I’d recommend:

1. The Harry Potter Series. Have read the entire series more times than I can count. 

2. The Help - both the book and the movie

3. The Hunger Games - I'll admit it, I like young adult books

4. I can't think of another. I used to read all the time, but I can't seem to remember any of the books I liked!

Four cities I’ve lived in:

1. Guelph, Ontario, Canada (born there!)

2. Columbia, Missouri 

3. Starkville, Mississippi 

4. Other small town in Mississippi that I'm not naming because I currently live there. I haven't lived many places!

Four places I’ve visited:

1. Toronto, Ontarion Canada. The majority of my extended family on my dad's side lives in and around Toronto. We used to visit twice a year when I was growing up, but that slowed down once I started working. Now that I'm an "adult" with "money," we've started trying to visit more often. 

2. Atlanta, Georgia - closest IKEA to us. We typically go once or twice a year to wander around the store and come back with furniture we don't really need. 

3. KC Kansas / KC Missouri. Went there for swim meets while I was growing up, now we visit at least once a year to see some of Keegan's extended family. 

4. Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Mom's side of the family lives in and around there. We don't get over that way as often as Toronto, but we try once every 5 years or so. Baby boy and I are flying into Seattle and then driving over the border in June if anyone wants to meet up! 

Four Places I Could Visit Over and Over:

1. KC Kansas/KC Missouri. Family, booming art and culture scene, good food. 

2. Anywhere in Europe. Have never been, but want to go desperately. 

3. Peoria, Illinois. Just went there over Memorial Day to visit two of our best friends (and Kieran's godparents,) and I love the city. Big enough to have a Target, but small enough to have wonderful parks and a good homey feeling. Also close to Chicago for fun weekends. 

4. Saint Louis. I feel like the Lou has a bad rap, but it is a very interesting city with lots of fun (and free!) things to do. 

Four things I just won’t eat:

1. Mushrooms.  Can't get over the texture. 

2. Fish of any type. My dad works with fish for a living, and seeing jars and jars of fish in formaldehyde turned me off for life. 

3. Hot dogs. I was pretty much a vegetarian as a kid, and although I've started eating meat as an adult, hot dogs are just something I can't make myself try. 

4. Most types of meat. I'll eat chicken, beef and turkey on Thanksgiving, but lamb, fish, sausage, and pork (besides bacon,) turns me off. 

Four things I could eat every day:

1. Fruit of any kind. 

2. Chocolate, especially if it's paired with peanut butter. 

3. Cheese, hands down

4. Bread of any type. I can sit and eat bread and butter like no one else, which is sooooooooo bad for me. Currently working on my carb addiction. 

Four TV shows I used to watch and miss (and watch in reruns as much as I can): 

We don't have cable, so there are a lot of TV shows I miss. Think of most TLC and ABC Family shows. 

Four things I’m looking forward to this year:

1. Taking Kieran to visit my mom's side of the family. None of them have met him yet! 

2. Kieran's first birthday and Christmas. Seeing him ripping paper is going to be one of the highlights of this year.

3. Celebrating our anniversary 

4. Continuing to grow in my job 

Four things I need right now:

1. A maid, cook, and personal assistant. There are not enough hours in the day to do all of these adult things. 

2. A piece of chocolate cake. I've been craving cake for months now. 

3. More vacation days. Living so far away from friends and family sucks when you can only take 10 days off work. 

4. A restful night of sleep

Four dreams I have for our future:

1. To build new traditions as a family while continuing to celebrate the ones Keegan and I grew up with (totally stole this from Tracey.) 

2. To grow old with Keegan while setting an example of what a fun, healthy, loving relationship is. 

3. To always be the best mom and wife my family needs, so matter where that takes me

4. To stay close with our friends and family, even though we live so far away. So thankful for technology that allows us to connect with our loved ones. 

Mother's Day On The Other Side

It's taken me longer than I wanted to get this post out due to a mix of emotions and an internal battle about if I wanted clog your readers with yet another Mother's Day post. Ultimately I decided to give it a shot. My emotions are still a jumbled mess, so this won't be the most eloquent thing you've ever read.

My first Mother's Day on the "other side" was a lot different that I expected. I'll admit that Mother's Day weekend was difficult for me. The hurtful feelings of past Mother's Days were softened by the smiling boy who brought me a present in bed on Sunday morning, but they were still there. I was in a funk all weekend, and I think it was a combination of happiness for myself, mixed with guilt, and sadness for others. I have a tendency to take on other's sadness and pain, and seeing so many of my IF friends struggling, really took a toll on me. I found it difficult to be happy and excited when I knew my excitement was causing other's pain.

All in all, I did have a good first Mother's Day. We went out to eat for lunch, did some grocery shopping, and splurged with some frozen yogurt. Keegan got me this figurine because he said that it remind him of how I often hold Kieran. I also got lots of snuggles, from both of my boys, which helped my mood.

I thought a lot about my IF friends over the weekend. Whether you had a wonderful Mother's Day, or you spent the day counting down the hours until it was over, I thought of you.