Chunky Monkey to Chicken Wings

Kieran was 9 pounds, 1 ounce when he was born. At his one month appointment, he was 9 pounds, 13 ounces. 10 pounds 8 ounces at his 2 month appointment and when I had to take him in to get an eye infection checked out at around 3.5 months, he was 10 pounds, 14 ounces.

Over 3.5 months, he dropped from the 92 percentile for weight, down to the .7 percentile (according to this website.) We joked that he went from our chunky monkey newborn to having chicken wings for arms.

At the appointment for his eye. I brought up my worry about his weight, and the doctor agreed that he was small for his age. He suggested we start solids right away, and also brought up the idea that Kieran's infected eye may be caused by a milk allergy which could also cause him not to gain weight.

Since we didn't see his normal doctor, I wanted to wait until his 4 month appointment to get a second opinion before making any drastic changes like wiping dairy completely out of my system (Mama likes her cheese!) We did play around with a few solids (sweet potatoes and a smashed banana,) but we weren't doing it religiously.

Over a 15 day period, Kieran gained another 13 ounces (from 10 pounds 14 ounces, to 11 pounds, 11 ounces.) At his four month appointment, we unfortunately weren't able to see his regular doctor (again...) so when I brought up his slow weight gain, the new doctor brushed it off saying that he's doing fine since he is gaining weight. I asked her to look up his percentile and that's when we found out that he had only increased to the 2nd. She then became concerned about his weight and strongly started pushing formula. I told her that since we had already dipped our toes into starting solids, I'd rather continue on that route, and she agreed. She suggested putting cereal into his bottles, but I told her that I am not able to pump enough in a day to give him bottles all the time. She agreed that we could give Kieran cereal by the spoonful as long as he seems to be able to handle it fine, which he is.

The doctor concluded that she thinks that I do not have enough of a supply to sustain Kieran, and what I am able to produce does not have enough calories for him. The plan is to feed him solids of some sort every feeding, and go back in two weeks to check his weight gain.

I've been going back and forth between guilt, disappointment, anger. Guilty that he's been hungry this entire time and it's the reason he's been sleeping in 1.5 hour increments which disrupts my husband's sleep. Disappointment that I'm not able to exclusively breastfeed him until 6 months and start baby led weaning when we wanted to. Anger that once again, my body can't seem to do anything right.

But, I'm also thankful that I was able to exclusively breastfeed him for 4 months. I know that any breast milk is better than none at all, and I'm still planning to nurse him as well as give him solids. I'm also thankful that throughout all of this, Kieran has been a happy, healthy baby who hasn't been all that fussy, even though he's always hungry.

So, that's where we are now. Hopefully adding in solids will chunk him up and he'll start sleeping again. Mama and baby both need some rest.