0 for 9 (Yet Another Update)

I just got a comment on my last post, which made me realize that I never wrote an update about what has been going on with us.

Spoiler alert, I'm not pregnant.

Last I posted, I was on medications to get rid of a cyst that was found after my first IUI. Since then we did two more IUIs, neither of which were successful. I swear I saw a very faint positive test after our last IUI in January, but tests never got darker and I ended up getting my period a few days afterwards.

We decided to take February off because ovulation would have fallen right in the middle of my work's biggest fundraiser, and I couldn't take time off. My RE and I spoke over email a few times and her suggestions going forward were either a laparoscopy followed by IUIs with injectibles, or IVF. We're not doing IVF for numerous reasons, so I have an appointment at the end of March to speak with my RE about the laparoscopy.

I've been fighting with a lot of emotions about continuing treatment. We originally said we'd do 9 rounds (3 Clomid, 3 Femara and 3 IUIs,) and be done after that, but my heart isn't ready to be done yet. I'm also wanting to try and get to the bottom of why things aren't working out as easy as last time (my son is a Clomid with timed intercourse baby.) My RE wants to use the lap to check to see if my tubes are blocked, and to see if I have endometriosis, and I'm really curious if one of those reasons is why I'm not pregnant yet.

On the other hand, I have a lot of guilt about trying for a second baby. All of the time and money we've spent so far could have gone to something else that would benefit the child we already have. We're also in a really good place with our son. He's sleeping well, he's to the age where we can go out and do things with him, and he's really fun right now. I'm afraid that bringing in another baby is going to completely throw off the awesome groove we have. But then I feel guilty about not giving him a sibling, all that talk about having a life long friend and someone to support him when we pass gets to me.

Some days I am dead set on never having another kid, other days I cry over pregnancy announcements and ache for that newborn smell. It's a constant back and forth in my head, so I'm taking things one day at a time.

Does anyone have any helpful suggestions for the laparoscopy? My RE is 3 hours away, so I'm most nervous about driving back home after the surgery. Would it be best to get a hotel room that night? Any suggestions are much appreciated!