Monday, November 11, 2013

I Need To Break Up With My OB

It's a similar situation to knowing you need to break up with your boyfriend of a year and a half. Your relationship started off great, you learned more about each other, and had some intimate moments, but these last few months have been less than ideal. He's forgotten key information about you, seem distracted when you're having a conversation, and is seeing other women.

You're afraid to break things off because there have been some good times, he's a cheap date, and you're afraid of losing mutual friends.

But, it's time.

All jokes aside, it really is time for me to leave Dr. B. As I said above, he's forgotten key information about me and has been distracted at our appointments. We've stuck with him for so long because he has helped us in the past. He diagnosed me with PCOS, gave me Metformin and after some pushing, Clomid. He's also relatively cheap since he's covered by my insurance. However, I feel like he's just giving me Clomid so he can say he tried everything to help us before turning us over to an RE. Our last appointment was what really solidified the fact that things need to end.

From having a nurse who had no idea about my medical history interrogate me about my medications to having to explain that I couldn't have my annual exam that day because I was on my period, the entire appointment was a mess.

What really made me upset was that Dr. B went back on his word again. At our last appointment, we decided that I would do three rounds of Clomid, and then we would discuss doing a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. If we decided not to do the surgery, or if we did and everything came back clear, Dr. B would refer us to an RE with a suggestion of IVF because he had done all he could for us.

Apparently our plan changed without my knowledge. Dr. B said that if this cycle failed (Clomid cycle #2,) we would do a "few more rounds," do a laparoscopy for sure, and then talk about moving to an RE sometime in the future, around summer 2014.

I was livid. I felt like Dr. B had forgotten everything we had talked about a month ago and was just pulling a general plan out of his ass. I felt forgotten, like a number, like he had given up on me and was more interested in taking care of his patients that were easy, that were already pregnant. He also refused to do mid cycle monitoring, even though he expressed yet again his concern about us becoming parents to the next set of sextuplets. We spoke for less than five minutes before he was back out the door.

On my way out, his nurse told me that we would do my annual exam next time I was in....which would be at the beginning of my next cycle.

So, now I'm on the hunt for an RE, but I have no idea where to start. I know from a quick Google search that the nearest RE is about two hours away, but there are many more in the four hour range. I know that my insurance covers nothing related to infertility, so finding a doctor in my plan isn't a necessity.

How did you ladies find your REs? Were they referrals from your OBs or other bloggers? I'm not sure if we'll need IVF, so I don't know if comparing statistics is the correct way to go about things. I've heard that some REs charge for a simple consult, but I don't have the time or money to do consults with every doctor that's within a day's drive from us.

While I'm going to miss certain members of Dr. B's staff, I'm ready to move onto an RE. I'm excited to work with someone who gets women pregnant for a living, instead of someone who throws medications at me with one hand while they're delivering a baby with the other.


15 comments:

  1. HECK YES YOU DO.
    i stand behind you 100%. i wish i was closer so i could have ice cream with you after appointments and help you more along this journey!
    do major research. i found our RE all on my own and bing bang boom say hello to your nephew crue ;)
    love you so much. so proud of you for making this decision!
    you are BRAVE and STRONG. keep pushin my love!!!! xxo

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  2. Ugh, I am sorry you are dealing with all this. My RE was not keen on doing a lot of cycles with Clomid because she knows how much it messes with your body and I didn't have a great response to it. In terms of finding her, thankfully we have quite a few around here and everything but IVF is covered by our insurance. Is there anything indicating a lap would be helpful?

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    1. See, I have no idea how I'm responding to the Clomid since my current doctor won't do mid cycle monitoring.

      There's nothing indicating that a lap would help, it's just something my doctor suggested to make sure I don't have endo. I don't think I have any symptoms of endo, it's just basically a way to make sure we cross everything off the list. A very expensive way to make sure.

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  3. My insurance company gave me the name of my RE so that's no help! But I know you can go online and find their success rates. Hopefully someone else will remember the site. I think you're doing the right thing though. He doesn't seem to listen to you and it seems like he's wasting your time. Good luck!!

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    1. I know I can get the success rates online, I'm just not sure if that's the best way to compare and ultimately choose an RE. I'm not sure if I'll need IVF, so why potentially pay more for a clinic with better IVF rates if I won't use it? Does that make sense?

      Thanks for the luck, I'll need it!

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  4. I first checked my insurance companies' contracted providers. I figured that if an RE was covered, there must be some services they might pick up.

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    1. That's a good point. I'll look into that, thank you!

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  5. Oooh! I can help with this!!

    I'm not sure what area you're in, but FertilityAuthority has a really great program where they can help match you to a doctor that best suits your needs. You can utilize their online resources and just search for doctors, or you can call their toll-free number and speak with someone who is familiar with the fertility treatment game, and who knows all about these doctors and clinics, from their success rates, to what insurance plans they work with.

    Check this site out, and I sincerely hope it helps you! http://www.fertilityauthority.com/

    PS, if anyone is looking into REs in Michigan or Ohio, I'd be happy to advise, as I'm fairly certain I've seen them ALL. :)

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    1. Holy shit I think I love you.

      This will be a great help. The entire time I've been researching, I've been thinking to myself how nice it would be to chat with someone who's had experience will all of the doctors I'm looking at. Thank you so so much for the link!

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  7. Good luck, Aislinn. I think you moving to an RE is the best decision at this point. Mine was recommended to me by a fellow IF-er who happens to live just miles from me. Nothing is covered under my insurance and my first appointment (consult, u/s, check up) was $300 out of pocket. Just an FYI, I'm sure not all doctors are the same! FX for you, Aislinn!!

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    1. Thanks for the heads up, the money is what I'm most scared about!

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  8. Sorry you need to switch Dr.s but you gotta advocate for yourself! I mean its your money you are spending right? I don't know why he wouldn't monitor a clomid cycle... that seems crazy! Especially if you are requesting it why the hell would he deny an ultrasound? So dumb. I had a friend who was dealing with IF at the beginning of our IF journey so she encouraged me to go to her clinic. It turns out its conveniently located and is considered one of the best in the area so I'm lucky. Seattle has a lot of health care/medical research facilities so I'm spoiled that its all so close to where I live and work. I would be so fucked if I had to go 1 or 2 hours away to get to my appointments! Good luck making the switch!

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  9. I completely agree! A doctor like that is no good to you!

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  10. I think you're making the right decision, and I'm so sorry you were made to feel like just a number after everything you've been through with that doctor! I hope you are able to find an RE soon. I was referred to mine by my regular OB, but they're sort of a dime a dozen in the Boston area. I'm not sure how to go about it where you are, but I would recommend picking an RE that's close to you (that you like, of course!) because all the driving to and from the monitoring appointments could get crazy. Even when I was just on clomid, I had to go in for quite a few ultrasounds... Good luck!!

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