D'oh!

So you know how I was going on and on yesterday about how it was cycle day 28 and I should be expecting my period soon?

Well......I should probably check FertilityFriend before I start spewing out facts that aren't true.

As I was putting my temperature into FertilityFriend this morning, I realized that today was cycle day 20, meaning yesterday was only cycle day 19. Somehow I saw yesterday's date, January 28, and morphed that into my cycle day. Once I realized what I had done, I definitely did a Homer:

I think that I also believed that I was so late in my cycle because I have all the symptoms of starting my period. I've been cramping and my boobs have been super tender for the last couple of days. A little itty bitty bit of me is hopeful that these are symptoms of pregnancy, but both my OPKs and my temperatures show no ovulation this month, so the chance of this cycle ending in a pregnancy is slim to none. Still, it's hard not to hope. I guess you could say I'm cautiously optimistic.  

I'm thinking of stopping the OPKs for the rest of this cycle because the lines from the past couple of days are so light you can barely see them. I'm still going to start using the OPKs earlier in my next cycle to see if I ovulate earlier in my cycle than cycle day 11. At the very least, they'll be proof for my doctor that the birth control didn't "regulate" me and I still don't ovulate on my own. 

Anyways, today is only cycle day 20 which means I should expect my period to come in a little over a week if it stays on the 28 day cycle I was on when I was taking birth control. I still stand by the idea that if this cycle runs past 40 days, I'm going to ask my doctor for Provera to force start my period. 

So now we wait....for a bit longer. 

Curiouser and Curiouser

As I've stated before in past entries, I had no idea what was going to happen during this cycle. Before I found out that I had PCOS and was put on birth control to regulate my cycles, I had a 4 month cycle. Months of first wondering if I was pregnant, then after numerous pregnancy tests, months of wondering what the hell was wrong with me. I now know that due to the PCOS, my body doesn't ovulate which means that it also doesn't feel the need to shed my uterine lining, thus resulting in a period.

This is my first cycle after being on birth control for four cycles. The hope was that putting me on birth control for a few months would force my body to regulate into a normal cycle, about 28 days. Today is cycle day 28. I know that I didn't ovulate this cycle; both my OPKs and my temperatures confirm that. I'm nervous that since I didn't ovulate, my body isn't getting the message to start a new cycle. Last night and this morning, I've felt some cramping as well as tender boobs. These are usually the signs that my period is about to come, so I'm hoping that Aunt Flow is gearing up to show her ugly face. I certainly don't want another 4 month cycle, so if this cycle runs past 40 days, I'm going to go to my doctor and see about getting a medication such as Provera to force start my period.

If my body does start a new cycle on its own, then I'm going to give it one more full cycle to see if I will ovulate "naturally," and if not, then I'm going to ask my doctor about starting on Clomid. I started using OPKs on cycle day 11 this cycle at the suggestion of my doctor, but I want to have one full cycle where I use an OPK every day just to see if I ovulate earlier than cycle day 11. Like I've said, I have no idea how my body is going to react after these last few months, so I want to give it every chance to do this "naturally" before I start pumping it full of medications.

So now we wait.

Cycle Bust?

Starting on Sunday, cycle day 11, I've been taking (using?) an OPK every morning to try and pinpoint when I ovulate during my cycle. I've read a lot of blogs where women have used OPKs as well as done a bit of research, so I know that as your cycle goes on, the second line is supposed to get darker until it becomes as dark, or darker, than the control line, indicating that you've ovulated. It's not supposed to get lighter, as mine have.

Sunday, the line was faint, but easily to see. Monday, the line looked a bit lighter, but still visible. Today, the line was pretty much gone. Looking back, I should have done a second test this morning to make sure that the first one wasn't bad, but that would have taken too much brain power. I can barely put pants on in the morning, let alone problem solve.

Now I know that this could mean that I either a) ovulate way early in my cycle, b) ovulate later than the norm, which is approximately cycle day 14, or, I could just not be ovulating at all, despite what my doctor said about the three months after birth control being our best chance. We already know that my ovaries have a tendency to hold my eggs hostage. After four months of missed periods and negative pregnancy tests, I finally went in to see Dr. B and he diagnosed me with PCOS which explains why I hadn't been ovulating. We were hoping that 1500 mg/day of Metformin to get my levels under control and some weight loss (20 pounds down baby!) would force my body to begin its duties again, but so far, it's a no-go.

Now I knew that getting pregnant on my first cycle was as slim as winning the Mississippi lottery, but I'm still feeling discouraged. Logically, I know that these first few cycles will be used to either pinpoint when I'm ovulating, or to prove to my doctor that despite the medications and weight loss, I'm not ovulating at all (which I feared would be the case.) My brain knows these things, but my heart hasn't caught up yet.

Keegan and I have been doing our part just in case, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm going to continue taking OPKs throughout this cycle as well as throughout the next cycle to see if I show any signs of ovulation. If I continue to have negatives throughout next cycle, I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. B and talk to him about the next step, which will probably be cycles with Clomid. There's no point in pretending that I'm going to ovulate on my own when my OPKs and temperatures clearly show that I'm not.

Now, I know that it's suggested that OPKs should not be used with first morning urine because your LH surge could happen later in the day, but I honestly have no choice. I don't think my co-workers would appreciate me littering the bathroom with cups of pee and OPK sticks. Does anyone know if I'm messing things up by using them first thing in the morning? Honestly, any tips or words of encouragement would be appreciated. Even though I knew that this cycle wouldn't work out, that didn't stop me from hoping just a little bit.

I Like Adoption

Jess, from Boho Baby Bump posted this video today and I just had to share.

I've always had the idea of adopting a child in the back of my head, but after seeing what an amazing family it can make, I'm sold. I love the quote that the father says, "Being born into a family, you don't get to decide that, it just happens biologically, but being adopted, your parents looked out into the whole world and picked...you." Such an amazing family. I hope that one day, I get to change a child's life by making them part of our family.

Cycle Days 1-6

So I totally meant to post my last chart on cycle day 1, but obviously that didn't happen.

So.....here it is!

Now do you see why I thought I needed a new thermometer? Granted, many of the days throughout the holidays I didn't wake up at my normal time, so I'm sure that threw off things, but sheesh.

I bought a new thermometer when I also purchased some OPKs and pregnancy tests, but it was wonky as well. The first morning, it told me that my temp was 94.6, 95.8 and then 96 something which obviously wasn't right, so I'm back to using my old thermometer which seems to be working better these days. 

I was worried how my body was going to handle my period since I wasn't going to be starting a new pack of BC which normally forces things to taper off, but everything worked out fine. 4 days plus a day of spotting which is what I had when I was on BC. Now, I'm just waiting for cycle day 11 to start using the OPKs which my doctor suggested. 

I see now what so many other women have said about trying to conceive being a waiting game. Waiting for my period to start. Waiting to start using the OPKs. That dreaded two week wait. I guess if anything, this whole experience will teach me patience. 

Clown Care

I've read a lot of strange things that women do to try and increase their fertility / chances of conceiving. Anything from strange Chinese herbal teas to acupuncture. However, the best thing I've heard of is "clown-care" that is used during IVF. "In a study of 219 women undergoing IVF, Israeli researchers found the odds of success were greater among women who were entertained by a professional "medical clown" right after they had the embryos implanted in the womb."

I found the link to the article in this blog post by Peesticks and Stones. At first I thought that this practice was so strange, but then I thought about what other women swear by as a way to "one-up" your fertility / chances of conceiving. I've read a lot of blogs where women swear that acupuncture was the thing that made them pregnant, and it seems to be a widely prescribed practice by many doctors. I've also heard of raspberry tea, lifting your hips after sex, and not having caffeine all help while trying to conceive.

As I stand right now, I won't be buying stock in tea or scheduling any acupuncture appointments. I want to see what my body can do naturally before I start throwing more things at it to try and increase our chances. Who knows how I'll feel after a few failed cycles, however. As far as I can tell, these more natural aids can do no harm, and I'd probably give them a try before we pull out the big medical guns.

Does anyone have any wives tales that they've heard helps with conceiving? What type of things did you do to increase your chances? Do you really believe these natural aids help?

The Beginning of the End

Yesterday I took the first placebo pill of my last pack of birth control. As soon as cycle day 1 comes, we're officially actively trying for a baby.

To be honest, I'm a mix of nervous and excited. I'm nervous because I honestly don't know how my body is going to react. Unlike other women who found out they struggle with conceiving by trying for x amount of months and then going to an RE for help, I found out I had PCOS after my period mysteriously disappeared  for four months in a row. Ever since then, we've been working on my hormone levels to ensure that my body is healthy enough to house a baby. We've never actually tried to conceive before now so I'm not sure what my body is going to do. This is also the reason why I'm not 100% sure what "flavor" of blogger I am. I don't know if I will struggle with infertility, so I'm not sure if I'm an infertility blogger (or does the use of Metformin and potentially Clomid already put me in that category?) I'm certainly not a mommy blogger  yet. I guess I'm just in that strange wait-and-see period.

Dr. B said that the next three months after a women goes off birth control are her best chances of getting pregnant. However, last time I went off BC, my period disappeared for four months because my body wasn't ovulating on its own. I think our current plan is to try "naturally" for three months, and then talk about going on Clomid to force my body to ovulate if it seems to be falling back into its old ways.

I ordered a pack of 50 OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) and 10 pregnancy tests off Amazon as well as a new basal thermometer because I'm pretty sure mine is on the fritz (you'll understand when you see this cycle's chart.) Dr. B wants me to use the OPKs from cycle day 11 until we get a positive. This paired with my Fertility Friend app on my iphone will hopefully give us the best chance we have of *ahem* doing the deed on my most fertile days.

Keegan has been really funny throughout this entire thing. He's definitely warmed up to the idea of having a little one running around and I think he's getting excited (or he's just excited about the sex...) We keep having the same conversation:

Him: This whole thing is so strange.
Me: Why?
Him: Well, for twenty-some-odd years of my life, I've been told by everyone to use protection, not to knock up a girl, and to think that we're actually trying to do something that has been so "bad" for most of my life is just...strange.

I agree, it is kind of....strange. To think that if we succeed at making a baby our first time around, we could have a new addition to our family by Thanksgiving. If it takes us two tries, the baby could potentially have the same birthday as Keegan (December 20,) my sister (Christmas day,) or my aunt (the 26.)

We'll see what happens. I'm starting to see what other IF bloggers mean when they talk about waiting. Waiting for my cycle to start. Waiting for my fertile days. The dreaded two week wait. The whole process is just a load of waiting with a few *ahem* active days. At least I now feel like we're working towards the end goal where as before, when I was just popping pills every morning and night, I felt like I wasn't really doing anything. I was itching to get started and now that we are, I'm ready.