Thursday, April 4, 2013

So, I tested tonight...

...and it was negative. Like stark white, no second guessing, negative.

I don't know why I tested. I'm only 6dpo so I know it's too early to tell, but I just had this urge to pee on something (probably because I haven't peed on anything in 5 days and I'm having withdraws,) so I did. Well technically I peed in a cup...but you get the idea.

I think this cycle was the cycle I had the most hope riding on. Maybe it's because things seemed so dark early on but turned around after I found out I had actually ovulated. Maybe it's because I've felt so different lately. The headaches, the bloating, the sore boobs, the 10 pounds I've magically gained, all of it made me feel so different which automatically means this cycle worked, right? Maybe it was the spike in temperature this morning that got my hopes up, I don't know. I just felt like this time would be the one. I know that it's early and that in a week or so I could get a positive, but my hope has turned back into a small pinprick. I probably won't test again unless my period is late (I say this now, let's see how I'm doing in a few days.)

If this cycle ends up not working out, I'm not sure what our next steps are. I've talked to my doctor about starting Clomid, but he doesn't seem too eager. I have a question for you ladies out there who have used Clomid. I know that Clomid helps you ovulate, but does it help those of us who are already ovulating on our own? At the beginning of our journey, I wasn't ovulating, but now that we've gotten my levels in check, it seems that I've ovulated on our last two cycles (at least I've gotten two positive OPKs and Fertility Friend has given me cross hairs.) Would Clomid just boost the number of eggs I release? Is it worth the time and money if I'm ovulating on my own? I just want to be more informed on the subject before I go to my next appointment and advocate one way or another. I know that you don't know my medical history and you're not doctors, but any stories and advice would be greatly appreciated.

Keegan doesn't know yet. I probably won't tell him until I get my period so that at least one of us can hold onto the hope.


  1. im sorry it was negative dear! but it is still early!!! if you read my story you'll know i had a zillion negatives before the rando slight pos. those sticks can change outta nowhere! but it is GREAT that you are Oing on your own! that is hopeful. xxo

  2. I don't know if this is PCOS related or just something weird with me but I NEVER got a positive until 15 or 16dpo and even then it was always painfully faint (I'm not talking about my pregnancies ending in early miscarriage). The only thing I can think is that HCG builds more slowly with male babies I've heard and I've only ever had boys so maybe that's it but I'm always sure to comment when women pop up with 8dpo POSITIVE! because it was never like that with me and those were healthy pregnancies/babies :-)

    1. The thing about HCG building more slowly with male babies is really interesting. If I'm ever lucky to have one of each sex, it would be a cool experiment to see if that's true.