Sunday, December 29, 2013

We're Public Once Again

If you're wondering where I've been these last few weeks, I made my blog private because I didn't want my family to find out that I'm pregnant before we were ready to tell them. Apparently my posts weren't showing up on BlogLovin', Feedly, or RSS, so unless you read posts through Google's reader, you've probably missed the majority of what's happened this past month. You can read about how we found out here, as well as read about baby Bread Crumb's heartbeat here.

My parents and one of my sisters came down for Christmas, so we were able to tell them in person on Christmas Eve with wrapped onesies.  There were tears all around and my mom's reaction is something that I will remember forever.

Earlier in the month, we had taken a leap of faith and sent Keegan's parents and brother onesies to open on Christmas Day. We told Keegan's brother that we wanted to Skype with the family when they opened the presents so we could see their reactions, but there was some miscommunication. We knew our plan had failed when his mom texted us "Congratulations. When can we tell people?"

I was actually really disappointed that we weren't able to see their reactions. I know that I'm lucky to have any news to share at all, but when you dream for years about how you're going to tell your families and that plan doesn't work out the way you hoped, it's hard. We've also called both sets of grandparents which means the news has spread to aunts and uncles by now.

Now that we've told our families and a handful of close friends, I feel like it's ok to make my blog public again. We're not going to announce the news on Facebook yet, but if a rogue friend finds out from my blog, I'm fine with that.

I haven't found an OB or midwife yet; my family just left on Friday so I haven't had the time to do any research. We still have a tentative appointment with our RE for January 6, but Keegan can't come, so I'm not sure if I want to drive the 2.5 hours for a 10 minute appointment alone. If I do find an OB/midwife before then and they can't get me in before the 6th, then I'll most likely make the drive. I found out this week that my mom lost two babies in between myself and my middle sister at 8 weeks after they had seen a heartbeat, so I'm very anxious to see Bread Crumb again.

I'm going to start doing weekly updates soon (I'll be eight weeks Tuesday.) We've been taking pictures, but I haven't had the energy to upload them. For most of the pregnancy I've been super nauseous with some major food aversions, and I've lost about five pounds. I've only thrown up once (the night of Keegan's birthday dinner,) but I'm so nauseous that I have to force myself to eat. I have a prescription for Zofran, but I've only taken it once; I'm really trying to go through this pregnancy with as little medication as possible.

I was to thank you all again for continuing to follow my journey. I've been having some emotions about feeling like I don't fit in to either the infertility community or the pregnancy community. I have very few "real life" friends that are pregnant, and the few that are didn't have to fight for it, so they don't understand my worry and cautiousness. On the flip side, however, I'm very conscious of the fact that I could be hurting someone in this community whenever I post about my pregnancy which is something I don't want to do. As much as I'm thankful to be in this place, it's a hard place to be and I'm not sure where I fit. I love you all and still need your support, but I understand how hard that can be.


  1. I've often wondered what it'll be like if I get pregnant, and finding a place to fit in. I know I wouldn't feel like other "fertile" pregnant women, but yet I would have beat the IF curse which sets me aside as well, in a way. So I can maybe understand where you're at. But just know that this community is here for you, fighting OR succeeding infertility. Sure there may be women in particular rough spots that might not want to read about a pregnancy, but then there are others that see so much hope and happiness in your story. I don't know the right balance, or approach, but it's your blog, your story, and you should write anything that fills your mind/heart.

    So exciting to have spread the word!! I will be wishing you all the best for you and your little breadcrumb.

    1. Thank you so much for this, Sarah. To know I still have support means the world to me, especially in these early weeks when there is so much fear and guessing.

      Thank you for your wishes and excitement!

  2. CONGRATS! You should not worry about hurting anyone. You struggled. You worked toward your dreams and totally deserve it! Don't worry about anyone other than yourself and your little one! ;)

  3. I can only speak for myself but I am SO excited to be following your pregnancy so I hope you stick around and post about how breadcrumb is doing. More importantly, I hope you start feeling better SOON!

  4. i am so glad your parents are as happy as i am! of course they are though, DUH! and I'm happy you got to see crue open his great gift :) you have been SO good at spoiling him. your baby is a lucky one! and i can't wait to spoil breadcrumb!

  5. I'm so happy your mom's reaction was so special :) I hope soon we're ALL pregnant, and then we can all swap symptoms and stories and no one will be left out. Sounds good, right?

  6. Ahhh, I've missed so much!! Congratulations a thousand times over :) you deserve to celebrate, and please, I hope you do--it's always a strange shift going from infertile to infertile-yet-pregnant, but by continuing to blog about your journey, I have the feeling you'll inspire more people than hurt or alienate them. That's what I love about this community: it's full of people with whom we can commiserate in our darkest hours, but it's also full of success stories to which we can aspire. I hope you stick around!

  7. Congratulations! Count me in on the people that missed out! I'm thrilled for you!

  8. I'm so happy for you! I'm right there with you for the nausea and food aversions. I really feel for you. I know how horrible it is. I ended up losing almost 10% of my body weight in my first trimester. Yikes. Hopefully yours doesn't last as long as mine (I'm 14 weeks tomorrow and still suffering)! xoxoxoxo