Breadcrumb Week 25

How far along: 25 weeks!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: No scale, no idea. I'm kind of liking not knowing how much I weigh. Not that I was obsessive with it at the beginning of pregnancy, but I was really worried about gaining "too much" since my POCS wasn't being regulated with Metformin. So far, though, I think I'm gaining appropriately (or at least my OB hasn't said anything,) and I'm feeling good about my weight and my body. It's nice not to worry about the number on the scale, and just see myself and Breadcrumb grow.  

Symptoms:

• food aversions, specifically protein.
• tiredness
• loss of sex drive
• constipation
• getting winded easier
• super vibrant dreams - Thankfully only one or two nightmares, the rest have been pretty pleasant, just strange. I dreamed this week that I owned a tiger and a pit bull and they were best friends. 
• heartburn / acid reflux  
• round ligament pains
• fast heart rate
• Swelling - I thought this was just due to our drive last week, but my feet and hands have continued to swell most days. All I can say is thank goodness for flip flop / Tom's weather. My feet have taken to swelling by the end of the day, so being able to wear flip flops or my roomy Tom's has been nice. 
• I don't know if I'd say I'm waddling quite yet, but I've noticed I walk differently than I used to. I'm leaning back more, and I have more of a sway in my hips when I walk. 
• My sciatic nerve is acting up, specifically when I lay down. When I have to get up to pee, I'm hunched over like an old lady because it hurts to stretch my right butt cheek and lower back out. 

Maternity clothes: I think we're getting into maxi dress season! Lately it's been in the upper 70s to upper 80s in the afternoons, so I'm excited to wear some dresses! 

Stretch marks: Nothing new!  

Sleep: I have found a new love for my pregnancy pillow. Keegan gave me one for Christmas, and I was trying to use it throughout my first trimester, but I just didn't need it. It spent a few weeks on our bedroom floor, but as I've been getting more and more uncomfortable sleeping, I invited it back into bed with us. I've finally found a few positions around the pillow that are comfortable, and they have made getting to sleep a lot easier.  

Best moment last week: I got to see Breadcrumb's movements from the outside! His kicks/punches have been getting a lot stronger, and I've been able to feel most of them from the outside. I was at work on Saturday when he was kicking (punching?) up a storm, and I got to see a few of them from the outside! I tried to take a video, but they didn't show up well. Hopefully I can get some footage to send to our families soon. 

Keegan's coworker, as well as one of my friends down in Mississippi have asked to throw us showers! This means that we'll have three showers, which I feel is too much, but I'm so thankful that we have such thoughtful friends down here. It's been hard being away from our core group of family and friends during pregnancy, and it's nice to think that the friends we've made down in Mississippi are as excited about Breadcrumb's arrival as we are. 

Movement: He's still a little stinker, but has gotten better. I've noticed he has a few patterns. Eating breakfast will normally get him to move, as well as taking a shower. He'll also give me a few goodnight kicks/punches when I'm lounging in bed, but Keegan has yet to feel them, he just doesn't have the patience!  

Food cravings: I've been downing water like it's going out of style. I can't wait to see how much I'm drinking (and subsequently peeing) when it's 100 degrees outside! 

Gender: Our little man!

Labor signs: Zilch, thank goodness.

Belly button? It's stopped shallowing out and is now stretching sideways? Maybe I'll still have an innie by the end of pregnancy, just a very...squinty one.   

What I miss: Coke, and not peeing so much. One of Keegan's friends said it doesn't get better after delivery, so I guess I'll have to get used to it!    

What I am looking forward to: Our first baby shower is just a month away!

Baby Buys: Nothing this week. When I first found out we were pregnant, I was constantly on the hunt for good deals on baby clothes and items. Now, I've calmed down and I'm just waiting to see if we need to buy anything after our showers.

Milestones: It hit me recently that we're in the countdown! 15ish weeks until we meet our Breadcrumb!

NIAW Guest Post

When Tracy from Just Stop Trying And It Will Happen posted on Facebook that a bunch of non-infertility bloggers were hosting infertility bloggers for National Infertility Awareness Week to help raise awareness, I immediately commented on Lauren's post saying I wanted to join in.

But then I stopped and thought. As someone who's "on the other side" of infertility, what could I say to raise awareness and have an impact?

Eventually I came up with something, and Jennifer at Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion was amazing to open her blog to my ramblings. You can read my post here.

I may be "on the other side," but infertility was, and will continue to be, a huge part of my life. I think about the friends I've met through my blog and Twitter all the time, and I have the highest hopes that all of your dreams will come true. If/when we decide to try for another child, I will be right back in the throws of infertility, and having the love and support of the infertility community will mean the world to me, just as it has for the last (almost) two years.

Breadcrumb Week 24

How far along: 24 weeks!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Scale is still broken, so no idea.

Symptoms:

• food aversions, specifically protein.
• tiredness
• loss of sex drive
• constipation
• getting winded easier
• super vibrant dreams
• heartburn / acid reflux  
• round ligament pains
• fast heart rate
• Apparently my body didn't like the 16+ hour round trip and change in elevation this weekend. We got home last night and my hands and feet looked like the marshmallow man's. My feet have deflated, but my fingers are still a bit swollen. 

Maternity clothes: All day, every day.   

Stretch marks: Nothing new!  

Sleep: Still only getting about 5 hours a night with having to pee every few hours, the cats, and Keegan's restlessness.   

Best moment last week: Keegan got Good Friday off, so we spent the long weekend back in Missouri with his parents. Got my hair cut, did some finalizing of our registry, and got to hang out with his family.   

Movement: He's a little stinker when it comes to movement. Normally I can get him to move after I eat breakfast, but he's stubborn and won't move much throughout the day. I was able to feel him kick/punch from the outside this weekend, but as soon as I put Keegan's hand on my belly to feel it, he stopped.  

Food cravings: Water, especially now that it's getting hotter outside.   

Gender: Our little man!

Labor signs: Zilch, thank goodness.

Belly button? Pretty shallow!   

What I miss: Coke, and not peeing 15+ times in 24 hours.   

What I am looking forward to: Our baby shower next month! I can't wait to see my side of the family and all of our friends.   

Baby Buys: Nothing this week. Keegan's mom did give us some of Keegan's awesome late '80s clothes.... pretty awesome, right? 

Milestones: We reached viability! 

Please excuse this picture. It was taken after driving for 9+ hours...

Breadcrumb Week 23

How far along: 23 weeks!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Scale is still broken, so I'm not sure. Scale at my OB's said I'm 6 pounds above prepregnancy, but it's never matched up with my scale at home which I've been using for the weekly measurements, so I'm not going to go with that number. 

Symptoms:

• food aversions, specifically protein. 
• tiredness
• loss of sex drive
• constipation
• getting winded easier
• super vibrant dreams
• heartburn / acid reflux - oh the heartburn. It hits me most during the middle of the night and lasts all night long 
• round ligament pains
• fast heart rate

Maternity clothes: All day, every day. Was hoping to wear some maxi dresses this week, but it looks like we're going to get some cooler temperatures.  

Stretch marks: Nothing new that I've noticed. I can see the few stretch marks that I have from weight gain when I was younger getting bigger by the end of the pregnancy.  

Sleep: I'm up at least every two, two and a half hours to pee. Pair that with Keegan's restlessness and the cats, and I'm lucky if I'm getting 5 hours of sleep each night.   

Best moment last week: Even though the OB appointment was stressful and emotional, seeing Breadcrumb again, and knowing for sure that he's ok, took a big weight off of my shoulders. The ultrasound tech printed a few pictures for me, and he has the cutest profile!   

Movement: Still only feeling him once, maybe twice a day, and all movements are super low near my pubic bone. He seems to just be a chill baby, so as long as I feel him once a day, I'm ok. If I don't, I'll check with my doppler, and then call my OB if I get really worried. 

Food cravings: Water and hot chocolate from the cafe across from my work. Hopefully I'll start craving something cooler with hot temperatures coming up.   

Gender: Our little man!

Labor signs: Zilch, thank goodness.

Belly button? Getting shallower, especially when I'm laying down.  

What I miss: Coke, and not peeing every hour. Keegan had a cider this past weekend, and it smelled so good!  

What I am looking forward to: Our baby shower next month! I'm itching to get Breadcrumb's room finished, but I'm trying to wait until after the shower to see if we need to buy anything.   

Baby Buys: Drapes for his nursery. Trying to hold off on buying anything until after the shower.  

Milestones: Only 1 week until viability, and he's officially reached the 1 pound mark! 

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Quick question: At my appointment, when my OB took my belly measurement from pubic bone to under my boobs, I was measuring 27 weeks when I was 22. This prompted an urgent ultrasound to see why I was measuring so big. Breadcrumb looked fine, his head and femur measurements were right on track according to what I could see on the screen. The only thing my OB said was sometimes women with PCOS can have more fluid, but the ultrasound tech didn't say anything about that.

I asked Facebook, only because I have many friends who are currently pregnant or have been recently, and they all said that they measured 2-3 weeks ahead and that it's a normal thing. One friend did say that it could be a sign of gestational diabetes, but I thought GD affected the growth of the baby, not the mom. Since Breadcrumb was measuring right on track, could GD be a worry? My OB hasn't said when we'll do the test, but I'm assuming I'll find that out at my next appointment.

Emotional OB Appointment - 22 Weeks, 4 Days

Today, I had my monthly appointment with my OB, Dr. L. I was somewhat nervous for this appointment because I really wanted to talk to her about my rapid heart rate, headache, and passing out spell from last week. I have total white coat syndrome, and nine times out of ten will choose not to talk to my health care provider about a problem because I think it's something normal or stupid, and don't want to waste their time.

Let's not talk about the fact that they wasted an hour and a half of my time before I was even seen...

Anyways, nurse takes me back to the room, and asked how I've been feeling. I told her the last week had been kind of rough, and explained everything that had happened. She asked when was the last time I had eaten before I passed out (a granola bar, 45 minutes before,) if I'm staying hydrated (I'm peeing every hour, what do you think?) and so on. She also asked if I hit my stomach when I passed out, had been leaking fluids, had ever had heart problems before or had seen a cardiologist (cue panic!) She then left, came back, took my pulse, (106 beats per minute,) and walked out again. She didn't say she was worried, but every time I answered a question, her overall demeanor changed and I could feel her that she felt something wasn't quite right.

Dr. L came in, and right off the bat, told me I almost passed out because I wasn't eating enough protein and I had overloaded on carbs which had caused a blood sugar drop. I was completely taken aback because I had not expected that explanation at all, and tried to politely tell her that I have PCOS and know what to eat to make sure I don't have sugar highs/lows. I also tried to tell her that I had had a blood sugar low numerous times before, and my episode had felt nothing like a sugar low. Her insistence about it being blood sugar related really irritated me, and I started to tear up like I do when I'm frustrated and can't seem to find the right words to describe what I'm feeling.

She moved the conversation by asking if I had felt Breadcrumb move lately. I told her not since Tuesday which made her go into total freak out worry mode, which of course, didn't help my state of mind. She scolded me for not calling in (not giving me the chance to tell her I didn't call in because I have a doppler and was able to find his heartbeat Tuesday night,) and instructed me to get on the exam table so she could try to find his heartbeat.

It's kind of amazing how many thoughts can go through your head in such a short amount of time...
....what if he somehow died Wednesday....
.... Keegan's gone on a business trip, how am I going to call him and tell him?....
..... What will our next steps be?....
.... how am I going to tell my parents?...

Thankfully she was able to find his heartbeat fairly fast which sent me over the edge. The tears I were holding back out of frustration came out due to relief and I couldn't hold them back.

She then measured my belly and asked how many weeks I was. I answered that I was 22 weeks, 4 days along, and she said, with a worried face, "hmmmm I'm measuring you at 27 weeks. We'll need to get an ultrasound to see why you're measuring so far ahead." Que panic number three. In a span of minutes, I had gone from feeling ashamed that I had given myself and my child such a sugar high that I almost passed out, to being scolded for potentially not calling in my dead child, to now freaking out about having a 6 pound baby.

Thankfully the ultrasound room was right next door, so they were able to get my in pretty quick. Right away, I saw a flickering heartbeat which put my mind at east even more. The ultrasound tech did numerous measurements of Breadcrumb's head (all measuring around 22 weeks,) and one of his femur (measuring around 21 weeks.) She said that he weighed about a pound, and is most definitely still a he.

She had me lay on the table for a few minutes to see if we could get him to do a big movement to see if I could feel it. He would do a few smaller movements which I couldn't feel, but with some shaking, he did a few kicks for us. I still wasn't able to feel them, but he's head down, so we're thinking any movements I am feeling are his hands which he didn't seem interested in moving at the time. Hopefully this means he's going to be a laid back baby!

Dr. L came in to speak to me again and reiterated the fact that I need to eat more protein to make sure I don't have any sugar swings. She never went over why she thinks I'm measuring 5 weeks ahead, and after all of the craziness, I wasn't able to ask her about my genetic screening or when I'm going to get my gestational diabetes test done.

So, the moral of the story is, everything is ok. The heart rate seems to be a normal side effect of pregnancy, and I'm assuming we'll just keep an eye out at my upcoming appointments to see if I'm still measuring really far along. I was able to FaceTime Keegan and let him know everything was ok, and he's now vowed to come with me to appointments to ensure I'm heard and feel comfortable with my care since he doesn't seem to have a problem talking to doctors.

I'm emotionally exhausted and could really use a drink. Ginger ale will just have to do; thank god it's almost Friday.

Breadcrumb Week 22

How far along: 22 weeks!

Total Weight Gain/Loss: I think our scale kicked the bucket since it kept giving me strange numbers. I was only one pound down from my prepregnancy weight last week, I think it's safe to say that I'm at my prepregnancy weight or above now.

Symptoms:

• food aversions, specifically protein. Still only eating meat about once a week
• tiredness
• loss of sex drive
• constipation
• getting winded easier
• super vibrant dreams
• heartburn / acid reflux 
• round ligament pains? I have pain in my lower abdomen, kind of near my hip bones when I roll over in bed or stand up after sitting down for a while. 

Maternity clothes: All day, every day.

Stretch marks: Nothing new! My stomach itches often, so I need to be more diligent about applying lotion. 

Sleep: Some nights are good where I only get up once a night, some nights are pretty terrible where I feel like I pee every hour.   

Best moment last week: I forgot to mention this last week, but I emailed the one and only doula in my area, and found out she provides her services for FREE! She does ask that families who can afford it, donate some money so she can go to Africa once a year to be a doula there, which we'll do, if we decide to use her. Our weekends have been super busy lately so we haven't had a chance to meet up, but I'm hoping she'll be a good fit for us.  

Movement: This has been a source of worry for me this week. When I first started feeling Breadcrumb move, I felt him at least once an hour. This past week, however, I'm only feeling him in the morning after I eat breakfast, and at night when I'm at my computer at home. I thought maybe he moved more frequently after I eat, but he won't move after I eat lunch or snacks. I haven't totally freaked out yet because I have been feeling him at least once a day, but it's something I'm going to bring up to my OB at my appointment on Thursday. 

Food cravings: Water and hot chocolate from the cafe across from my work.   

Gender: Our little man!

Labor signs: Zilch, thank goodness.

Belly button? Getting shallower!

What I miss: Coke, and not peeing every hour.

What I am looking forward to: Our baby shower next month where we get to see friends and family. We haven't seen K's family since Thanksgiving and mine since Christmas!   

Baby Buys: We went to the last consignment event of the season on Wednesday and made out ok. We got some clothes, as well as another wooden puzzle, a light for the side table in the nursery, and a wooden push bike somewhat similar to the image below, but not name brand. Obviously Breadcrumb won't be able to use it for a while, but it'll be a nice 1st birthday present or Christmas gift later on. 

Milestones: Only 2 weeks until viability!

I need to wear something other than this black shirt for pictures! 

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I'll admit, this week has been hard, for numerous reasons, but the biggest reason was my heart rate. Tuesday night,a round 8 pm, I noticed that my heart rate was elevated and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, like I had just run a long distance. I also developed a headache. I figured I needed sleep, so we went to bed. Unfortunately the problem continued throughout Wednesday. I consulted Dr. Twitter and was urged by a few girls to call my OB just to let them know what was going on. I emailed my doctor's nurse, explained what was going on, and she requested that I take my pulse and blood pressure. Since I was at work, I was unable to get my blood pressure, but I took my pulse numerous times throughout the day, and I got anywhere between 103 and 110 beats per minute.

I emailed back with this information, and the nurse said she had spoken to the doctor that was there that day and he suggested that I go home, lay on my left side, and drink water. Unfortunately I was unable to do this because work was extremely busy that day and Keegan and I had plans for later that night. However, I did lay on my left side and drink water our entire hour drive to our plans, but it didn't help.

The problem continued throughout Thursday, so I emailed the nurse again. My doctor was in that day, and supposedly said that what I was experiencing was normal for pregnancy due to the extra blood flow in my body. Thursday afternoon, I was putting away some artwork at work, (nothing strenuous, no piece weighed over 10 pounds,) and as I was walking, I started to pass out. Thankfully there was a pillar that I could lean against until I felt normal.

The elevated heart rate was so bad on Friday that I considered going into the ER, but I didn't want to be "that patient" freaking out about something normal, so instead, I went to bed around 8. Both the heart rate and headache have continued throughout the weekend, and they will be something I will be talking to my OB in person about at my appointment on Thursday. If this really is "normal," I want an explanation besides "it happens in every pregnancy." I want to know why, and what is considered abnormal so I know what to look out for. I've just felt so off this past week, paired with the fact that Breadcrumb hasn't been moving much, that if I didn't have an appointment coming up this week, I'd call and schedule one.

I'm hoping that this truly is something "normal," but I need some reassurance. I haven't felt this anxious and freaked out about my pregnancy since before the first ultrasound.