Emotional OB Appointment - 22 Weeks, 4 Days

Today, I had my monthly appointment with my OB, Dr. L. I was somewhat nervous for this appointment because I really wanted to talk to her about my rapid heart rate, headache, and passing out spell from last week. I have total white coat syndrome, and nine times out of ten will choose not to talk to my health care provider about a problem because I think it's something normal or stupid, and don't want to waste their time.

Let's not talk about the fact that they wasted an hour and a half of my time before I was even seen...

Anyways, nurse takes me back to the room, and asked how I've been feeling. I told her the last week had been kind of rough, and explained everything that had happened. She asked when was the last time I had eaten before I passed out (a granola bar, 45 minutes before,) if I'm staying hydrated (I'm peeing every hour, what do you think?) and so on. She also asked if I hit my stomach when I passed out, had been leaking fluids, had ever had heart problems before or had seen a cardiologist (cue panic!) She then left, came back, took my pulse, (106 beats per minute,) and walked out again. She didn't say she was worried, but every time I answered a question, her overall demeanor changed and I could feel her that she felt something wasn't quite right.

Dr. L came in, and right off the bat, told me I almost passed out because I wasn't eating enough protein and I had overloaded on carbs which had caused a blood sugar drop. I was completely taken aback because I had not expected that explanation at all, and tried to politely tell her that I have PCOS and know what to eat to make sure I don't have sugar highs/lows. I also tried to tell her that I had had a blood sugar low numerous times before, and my episode had felt nothing like a sugar low. Her insistence about it being blood sugar related really irritated me, and I started to tear up like I do when I'm frustrated and can't seem to find the right words to describe what I'm feeling.

She moved the conversation by asking if I had felt Breadcrumb move lately. I told her not since Tuesday which made her go into total freak out worry mode, which of course, didn't help my state of mind. She scolded me for not calling in (not giving me the chance to tell her I didn't call in because I have a doppler and was able to find his heartbeat Tuesday night,) and instructed me to get on the exam table so she could try to find his heartbeat.

It's kind of amazing how many thoughts can go through your head in such a short amount of time...
....what if he somehow died Wednesday....
.... Keegan's gone on a business trip, how am I going to call him and tell him?....
..... What will our next steps be?....
.... how am I going to tell my parents?...

Thankfully she was able to find his heartbeat fairly fast which sent me over the edge. The tears I were holding back out of frustration came out due to relief and I couldn't hold them back.

She then measured my belly and asked how many weeks I was. I answered that I was 22 weeks, 4 days along, and she said, with a worried face, "hmmmm I'm measuring you at 27 weeks. We'll need to get an ultrasound to see why you're measuring so far ahead." Que panic number three. In a span of minutes, I had gone from feeling ashamed that I had given myself and my child such a sugar high that I almost passed out, to being scolded for potentially not calling in my dead child, to now freaking out about having a 6 pound baby.

Thankfully the ultrasound room was right next door, so they were able to get my in pretty quick. Right away, I saw a flickering heartbeat which put my mind at east even more. The ultrasound tech did numerous measurements of Breadcrumb's head (all measuring around 22 weeks,) and one of his femur (measuring around 21 weeks.) She said that he weighed about a pound, and is most definitely still a he.

She had me lay on the table for a few minutes to see if we could get him to do a big movement to see if I could feel it. He would do a few smaller movements which I couldn't feel, but with some shaking, he did a few kicks for us. I still wasn't able to feel them, but he's head down, so we're thinking any movements I am feeling are his hands which he didn't seem interested in moving at the time. Hopefully this means he's going to be a laid back baby!

Dr. L came in to speak to me again and reiterated the fact that I need to eat more protein to make sure I don't have any sugar swings. She never went over why she thinks I'm measuring 5 weeks ahead, and after all of the craziness, I wasn't able to ask her about my genetic screening or when I'm going to get my gestational diabetes test done.

So, the moral of the story is, everything is ok. The heart rate seems to be a normal side effect of pregnancy, and I'm assuming we'll just keep an eye out at my upcoming appointments to see if I'm still measuring really far along. I was able to FaceTime Keegan and let him know everything was ok, and he's now vowed to come with me to appointments to ensure I'm heard and feel comfortable with my care since he doesn't seem to have a problem talking to doctors.

I'm emotionally exhausted and could really use a drink. Ginger ale will just have to do; thank god it's almost Friday.