Self Imposed Deadlines

Self imposed deadlines. I think it's something we all do at one time or another. Thinking, "If I get pregnant this cycle, then we can tell our immediate families over Labor Day and our extended families over Thanksgiving or Christmas!" or, if you're a teacher, "If I get pregnant during X Month, then I can take maternity leave in May and have the rest of the summer with the baby!" Or even, "I have to get pregnant before my drug taking, welfare using, has 5 baby daddies, cousin has her 7th child."

These are deadlines that we put on ourselves, perhaps as a coping mechanism. Personally, since we live so far away from family, I take holidays and long weekends as signs. Like, if this cycle was going to work, we would have taken Labor Day to go tell our immediate families, and then tell Keegan's extended family when we see them for Thanksgiving.

I haven't talked much about the details of my job here, mostly because it's technically through the government, and I'm sure they wouldn't like a blog talking about my lady bits to be associated with them. However, for the sake of this post, I'm going to share a bit of information. I'm a VIS.TA* volunteer which is part of Ameri.Corps*. If you don't know about these programs, think of them almost like a local peace corps...kind of. V members are put into communities specifically to combat poverty. I was volunteering at the art gallery where I currently work for 40+ hours each week for about a year and a half because my boss didn't have the money to pay me. We worked on the V application for that entire year and a half and eventually got 10 VIS.TAs, including myself, into 7 organizations in my community. As a V, you sign a contract, giving up a year of your life as a volunteer. You get a small stipend each month, as well as having your student loans deferred for the time you're serving. You also get the choice of a $5,500 education award that can be used for paying back student loans or for furthering your education, or a $1,500 cash award at the end of each year. If, for any reason, you quit before your year is up, you lose all benefits and are not allowed to be a part of the program for the rest of your life.

What does my job have to do with infertility? When I signed my name of that dotted line last year, I put a deadline on myself. To not have to leave my position before my year was up, I had to get pregnant before November 2013. Obviously that hasn't happened yet, but just yesterday, I signed on for another year.

It was a hard decision. We don't know where our fertility journey is going to take us next. Logically, I should stop treatments until the new year, just to ensure that I don't give birth before November 2014. Am I going to? Hell no! If I do magically get pregnant and give birth before November 2014, then we'll just have to work something out. A lot of my job is spent in front of a computer, so there's the chance I could work from home. While I'm not comfortable with the daycares around here, we may be able to leave our child with a friend during the day for a few months, or have Keegan's mom, who is retired, live with us until my term is up.

Even though I know better, I have put another deadline on myself. I need to want to have a child, or at the very least, be pregnant by November 2014. But, we all know that it doesn't work that way. I just can't imagine signing on for a third term in 2014 because I'm still not pregnant. By then, two years of trying for our first child will have passed, and while I know other have been fighting for much longer, I just can't picture still being childless for another year.

While I know that putting these deadlines on myself isn't helpful, in a strange way, it gives me something to work towards. By saying that we need to be pregnant by November 2014, perhaps it'll make us increase the strength of our treatments faster. Instead of doing six IUIs, maybe we'll only do 3, realize that they're not working for us, and move on.

So what about you guys? Are you guilty of putting deadlines on yourself? Do they help you or just stress you out?


*All names have had periods added or shortened to decrease the chance of someone searching those names and coming across my blog. 

I Hope They Have Grandpa Eyes

When I was first diagnosed with PCOS, one of my first thoughts was, "if I have a daughter, will I pass this onto her?" Funny enough, I still don't have the answer to that question, but I've been thinking lately about what I do want to pass onto our future kids. Some of these things are traits that will come from how we raise our children, but some of them are purely physical.

First of all, I hope to pass on Keegan's scientific curiousness. He constantly amazes me with his natural ability to just know how something works. He's one that doesn't use directions because he can just look at a pile of pieces and know how to put it together. He's constantly researching things that interest him and is always learning. I hope our children will have that curiousness and will push their learning beyond their school years. I also hope they get some of his scientific mind so they don't struggle with science class like I did.

I hope that I pass on my artistic eye. Being an artist and loving color, shape, patterns and textures makes the world more interesting. When I'm shopping, I shop not only with my eyes, but with my hands while I'm constantly touching fabrics. I can stare at a floor that seems randomly patterned to most people, but I can start to make out shapes and faces. Makes bathroom trips much more fun.

I hope dearly that at least one of our children has Keegan's eyes. They're color changing and they'll change from green to gray to blue depending on his mood. When he's feeling mischievous, his eyes will be a sparkling green. When he's sad or tired, they'll turn gray. His grandpa (hence the name "grandpa eyes",) cousin, and cousin's (different cousin,) daughter all share these eyes and I hope it's something our children will have as well.

As much as I loathe my hair sometimes, I hope I pass on my wild and curly locks. I had ridiculously curly hair when I was younger (think Shirley Temple,) and I hated having to brush it. It was always frizzy, I could never cut it short because it would afro out, and it was always so hot, but as I've grown older and it's calmed down a bit, I've learned to love my hair. I get compliments on it which are a reminder that it's something different from everyone else, something that makes me, me.

I hope they get Keegan's sense of drive. He completed two internships and a co-op while in college, giving him almost 3 years of industry experience before he actually graduated. He gave up summer holidays, seeing friends and family, and the first 8 months of our relationship working 12+ hour days to put his name out there in hopes of it paying off with a job out of school. It did, and he got the second highest paying job out of his graduating class. At his job, he has received the respect of his co-workers, most of them older with more experience .He's constantly searching for new ways to make work easier for others and has come up with many new systems that makes his job run better overall. To say I'm proud is an understatement.

I hope they get my sense of trust. I'm one who trusts (almost) everyone until they do something to break my trust. While this trait has hurt me in the past, it also brought Keegan into my life. I hope that our kids love and trust based on the person's heart, not the color of their skin, where they come from, or who they hang out with.

I realize that things like a person's drive or views on the world will be shaped not only from their parents, but also from their experiences. If nothing else, I hope that our children are happy, good people who contribute something to the world. Having color changing eyes and pretty hair are just bonuses.

Curiouser and Curiouser

So, I had a really interesting night last night. A few weeks ago, I saw something on Facebook, I don't remember if I was a friend who had liked the page, or one of those sponsored posts that come up, but I saw information about The Missouri Center for Reproductive Medicine. Being originally from Missouri, I of course Googled it, and learned that my hometown had its own reproductive facility! I don't know if its a new clinic, or I just never realized it was there because I never had a reason to look out for it, but I was excited to learn if we ever move back, I'll have somewhere to go.

I ended up "liking" their page, and saw that they were having a free webinar last night. I signed up for it because duh, it was free, and I thought it would be nice to see what opinions another clinic has.

I get into the "meeting room" the webinar was using and learned I was the only one who signed up. What was supposed to be a general webinar about fertility all of a sudden became a one on one about my treatment. Unfortunately I was too chicken to talk to a random doctor via microphone, so I did a lot of fast typing and he responded vocally. He asked my age (24), if I had a diagnosis, (PCOS,) and what treatments we had done so far (Metformin, SA, HSG, timed intercourse for 8 cycles.)

When I mentioned that I thought our next step in treatment was IUI, he was surprised by that. He said that IUI was normally reserved for couples with male factor infertility, it wouldn't really help us if ovulation was our problem. Now, if we coupled ovulation drugs like Clomid or injectables with an IUI, he said that would make more sense. He went on to say that a Clomid or injectable cycle had about a 15% chance of conception as long as PCOS was our only problem. Adding on an IUI would increase our chances to about 16 or 17%, and some doctors argue if would increase the chances at all.

The doctor then asked about Keegan's SA numbers. Thankfully I have them written on my handy dandy blog, so I was able to give them to him quickly. He said that a total count of 23.5 million was on the low side of normal which might suggest male factor IF, but also might not, since counts vary from day to day. He said that the thing that would point to male factor infertility would be the fragmentation and morphology of the sperm. Since Keegan's morphology came back at 99%, I'm not worried, but it might be worth our time to get another SA done to see if the total count increases any.

The doctor continued to say that knowing what little he knows about us, he wouldn't suggest doing an IUI without ovulation enhancing drugs. He also suggested that if we do decide to do ovulation drugs, to get monitoring with ultrasounds because the only way to truly know if ovulation occurs is via ultrasound. OPKs and BBT can tell you if you have an LH surge, but only an ultrasound can show if ovulation actually happened.

The doctor also mentioned that all of those supplements and vitamins we take to try and increase our fertility don't really do anything, so they're not worth our time. I don't know if I fully agree with this, and I'm pretty sure a bunch of ladies who have benefited from using vitamins and supplements wouldn't either, but it was interesting to hear a doctor say that.

So, what do I do with this information? As I've stated before, my current doctor in Mississippi is wary about using ovulation enhancing drugs because with the help of Metformin, I seem to be ovulating on my own, and he is worried adding Clomid would increase our chances of multiples. Of course, I haven't gotten ultrasounds around ovulation, so I'm only going off of OPKs and my BBT as proof that I'm ovulating. The reason I suspect we'll move onto IUI next is because, from what I understand, the treatment ladder looks something like this:

• Try naturally
• Use ovulation drugs  
• IUI (either naturally or with ovulation drugs) 
• IVF

Am I missing a treatment somewhere that would naturally be our next step?

At my next appointment, do I bring up the idea that I "cheated" on my current doctor by getting a second opinion? I know I need to take the information I got last night with a grain of salt since the doctor I talked to doesn't know our medical history or all of our stats, but is it worth pressing my current doctor to use ovulation drugs?

While what the doctor tonight was saying made sense, it's only his opinion, just like not using ovulation drugs is my current doctor's opinion. I know that ultimately I need to do what I feel is the best treatment for Keegan and I, but having two conflicting opinions is super confusing.

Have any of you lovely ladies ever had two doctors give opposite treatment plans? If so, what did you do?  

Oh FFS! The Finale

Back in the beginning of August, I wrote about how I had gotten a letter upon returning from our vacation which stated that our current insurance, Blue Cross/Blue Shield of Michigan had "recouped all previously paid claims stating "other primary insurance," and that I owed my doctor's office $1,828.

Cue head explosion.

One day between then and now, Keegan called up BC/BS to see what was up. Apparently, after I had used my Coventry Insurance, which I have from my dad, for my HSG, BC/BS realized that I had other insurance (which I had told them before!), decided it should be my primary, and kicked back all previously paid claims.

Le sigh.

I finally got the chance (and to be honest, the courage; does anyone else hate talking to insurance people?) to call Coventry yesterday. After the whole name, phone number, address talk, the lovely man from Coventry asked if I had any other insurance. Apparently, even though I had also previously told them I do, it failed to get into my file. After giving them my info from BC/BS, Lovely Man said, "well, since we've been covering you longer, we're your primary insurance," to which I responded, "Yes, I've recently learned that the hard way."

(Can I just say that Coventry's explanation of being my primary because they've been covering me longer is way better than BC/BS' reason? BC/BS told Keegan that Coventry is my primary because my dad's birth month is before Keegan's. Not birth year, birth month. If Keegan had been born in a month before my dad, then this wouldn't have been a problem, according to BC/BS.)

After all was said and done, Lovely Coventry Man told me that I just needed my doctor's office to re-submit the claims to Coventry, and everything should be taken care of. After a quick call to Dr. B's office, the claims should be on their way to Coventry in the near future.

So, while I'm glad we've gotten everything sorted out, I won't stop holding my breath until I get a bill of $0. I don't have the $1,828 that I owe from BC/BS and I also don't have the $4,000 my HSG will cost if for some reason it's denied due to this whole mix up.

So, lovelies, the moral of the story is, if you have two insurances, don't be a dingbat like me and make sure you know which should be your primary. It'll save you a whopper of a headache.

Welcome August ICLW!

Since I stupidly scheduled my Vacation Part 2 post on the first day of ICLW, I get to show up in your subscription boxes twice!

Hi everyone, my name is Aislinn and I'm a 24 year old Canadian living in small town Mississippi. I've been married to my husband, Keegan, for a little over a year (anniversary on August 4,) and we have two cats,

Mika

and our newest addition, Carbon. 

After 5ish months of a mysteriously disappearing period after coming off birth control, I finally went into my OB/GYN and got diagnosed with PCOS on September 4, 2012, exactly one month after our wedding. Since then, I've been put on Metformin and a low carb diet, which, who am I kidding, I'm not following all that well. Even so, I've managed to lose 30 pounds in the last year as well as get the return of my monthly visitor. 

January 2013 marked the first cycle that we were actively trying to get pregnant. Since then, I've had 7 failed cycles, an HSG which showed clear tubes, and thrown away more money on sticks I pee on than I'd like to admit to myself. 

After my HSG in June, my doctor suggested trying naturally since clearing out the tubes has been shown to increase conception chances for the next three cycles. If this third cycle is yet another negative, then I'm marching my way into his office and demanding more effective treatment...actually, I'll probably just sit there while he tells me what the next plan is. I've learned that I have trouble telling doctors what treatment I want; I mean, they're the ones who paid the big bucks to go to school for eleventimillion years, right? 

Anyways, I'm not 100% sure what my next course of action will be. Dr. B has already said he doesn't want to put me on Clomid since we've gotten my body to ovulate on its own and Clomid will only increase the chances of multiples (which doesn't sound too bad right about now.) I'm thinking our next step will be IUI, but Dr. B's switched things up on me before. 

Besides worrying about my lady bits, I have hobbies! I went to school for fine arts (specifically fibers,) and actually used my degree when I got a job at an art gallery. I'm what most consider a nerd (or geek? I never really understood the difference between the two...) and can be found most nights in front of my computer reading blogs or gaming with friends. I also share the same birthday as Daniel Radcliffe and thought I was the coolest kid on the playground when I learned I shared a birthday with Harry Potter. I'm a huge music lover and have been known to trek to far off towns to see my favorite bands (example: drove 6 hours to Atlanta to see Dropkick Murphys and got a tattoo, all in one expensive weekend.) 

If you want more details about my lady bits, feel free to click the "Our Journey" tab at the top. 

Assuming I haven't scared you off already, I hope you decide to stick around for our baby makin' journey!

Vacation Part 2

Before I get into these set of pictures, I figured I'd go into some of the back story. When my dad was in his 20s, my grandparents (let's call them grandparents N,) decided to purchase a cottage on Lake Cameron in Ontario. My dad, uncles and aunt grew up going to the cottage on the weekends, skating on the frozen lake, taking their new wives there and eventually, their children. Like I said before, we used to go up every summer and spent 2-3 weeks swimming, roasting marshmallows over the fire and spending time with family.

My mom's parents (grandparents B,) also have a cottage, over on Lake Baptiste. I'm not sure when it was purchased, but I don't remember going to it often. My Papa had a stroke when I was about 11 and died a few years later, which resulted in my Grandma moving out to British Columbia to be with my aunts. My great aunt, my grandma's sister, and her family have a cottage a few hundred yards from my Grandparents B's cottage, so they purchased it when my grandma moved away.

In comparing the two cottages, the N cottage is more what I guess you'd call a summer home. Indoor plumbing, hot water, TV, a boat used for water skiing and tubing, etc. The B cottage is more roughin' it. An outhouse dubbed "The Throne," a pontoon boat only used to get from the cottage to the car on the opposite side of the lake, no TV, but they did just get internet recently so my great uncle can work over the summer. They're polar opposites, but they both hold a special place in my heart and my childhood.

Tuesday night, after wandering around downtown Toronto, we got up to the cottage pretty late, so we caught a quick look at the lake, played some board games and went to bed.

Wednesday, we wanted to reenact all the things we did when we were younger. We convinced my dad to get the boat out, and we went tubing and skiing.

The universal hand signal for "SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!"

Keegan, Bri and Julian tried skiing, but none of them got up. Apparently Julian got up a few days later after Keegan and I had left. 

Thursday, we went over to Grandparent B and my great aunt's cottage. We had lunch with them and my second cousins, and Keegan went kayaking. 

Unlike the N family cottage, you cannot get to the B family cottage by car. You have to park across the lake and take a boat. 

 

My grandparent's cottage. It's not actually curved, we had to take three pictures and stitch them together to get it all in one shot. 

My great aunt and uncle's cottage

Nights at the cottage were spent around the fire roasting marshmallows and star gazing. 

Friday morning, the day before we left, we were greeted with a mama duck and her babies. When we were younger, we'd feed them corn, but all we had was a left over hamburger bun. When we ran out of bun, the ducks climbed out of the water, over the rocks and up onto our lawn searching for more. One of them actually nipped at Keegan's toes thinking they were food! 

That night, the rest of my extended family came up for the weekend, but unfortunately, Keegan and I left Saturday morning. That was a whole ordeal to itself! When we got in the car at 4 in the morning, we realized the low gas light was on. Unlike the larger cities we are used to, there weren't any gas stations open in the small towns around the cottage, so we had to drive about 45 minutes looking for an open station. Thankfully we made it before we ran out of gas and made our flight just in time. 

I'm so happy that I finally got to show Keegan the people and places that made up my childhood. Besides two uncles, an aunt and my great aunt, Keegan hadn't met any of my extended family before this trip. My grandparents are getting up in age, so I'm thrilled that Keegan got to meet them once before they pass. We're hoping to make it back up to Canada every other year or so, and it's my dream to eventually take my kids up to the cottage. 

Vacation Part 1

I've finally gotten around to posting about our vacation....two weeks late. Here it goes!

On Friday, July 26, Keegan and I drove up to Missouri. Since were flying to Canada with my dad, sister Bri, and her boyfriend, Julian, it was easier for us to drive up a day early. That night, we celebrated my 24th birthday (a few days late,) as well as Keegan and I's first anniversary (about a week early.) My favorite presents were the one Bri made for my birthday...

She got the saying off of my Pintrest and painted it for me

...and the Willow Tree figurine my mom got us for our anniversary. 

Image taken from website 

Saturday the 27 was spent driving to the St. Louis airport, flying to Canada and fighting with our rental car company. Side story: My grandpa was a businessman and had saved all of his air miles from his travels. We were extremely lucky and he offered to use his air miles to pay for all 5 of our plane tickets as well as our rental car. Well, when we tried to pick up our rental car, they wanted a credit card on file, just in case something happened while it was in our possession. They hadn't told us this before we left the States, and none of us carry credit cards except Keegan who had his corporate card from his job. After some discussion, we decided to use Keegan's corporate card so that we could get our car. The problem was, the company wouldn't allow us to transfer the car from my dad's name into Keegan's name. Keegan had to call the company headquarters, cancel our current reservation, then re-make it in his name. We were there over an hour and the people we were working with were extremely rude. If you ever rent a car in Canada, don't use Avis.

Thankfully we got our car and drove to my grandparent's house. That night was spent catching up with a few family members and showing Keegan and Julian the places were Bri and I had spent many of our summers and Christmases. 

Sunday, we lounged around my grandparent's house, and that afternoon, we had a small reunion of my dad's side of the family. When I was younger, up until I was about 15/16, we would go back to Canada every summer and Christmas. Since my birthday is in July, my grandma would always make me a birthday cake. Unfortunately, she has become too old to do so, but she was sweet enough to order me one while we were up there. 

Monday, we took the boys to see Niagra Falls. Make sure to click on the images to make them larger, Keegan got some amazing shots! 

We also walked all the way down to the US/Canada boarder that you can cross via car or foot. We paid the $.50 to walk over the bridge and stood over the International Boundary Line. I got to knock the "stand in two places at once" item off my bucket list and made it even better by standing in two countries at once! 

Of course, we had to take pictures with Keegan on the American side and me on the Canadian side. 

Tuesday, we went to visit my Grandma and Papa's grave and then we wanted to wander around downtown Toronto, but go so lost that we only made it to the Eaton Center (a three story, extremely expensive, mall.) We didn't have data on our phones which meant no looking up directions and our rental car didn't have GPS. I didn't realize how much I relied on my phone and GPS to get me places until all I had were road signs!

Tuesday night, we drove up to the cottage....which you'll get to see tomorrow! 

I've Tried It

I saw this list on RainBeforeRainbow's blog and thought I'd fill it out. Before I did, I felt like I have already done so much to increase my fertility, but afterwards, I realized there was so much more I could do, but I'm not sure where to start. Maybe I'll make this a yearly thing and see how my list has grown.

Want to fill out your own? Go to here to download the original.

Welcome To The Family! + General Life Update

First of all, I want to apologize for being such a bad blogger and commenter. Getting back to the swing of things after being unplugged for 9+ days has been more difficult than I thought it would be. I'm slowly getting back into the habit of reading and commenting every day, so stay with me. I'm also working on watermarking the pictures from our vacation, so hopefully those posts will be up this week as well.

In baby making news, it's CD 8 with AF out the door, but no ovulation in site. Fertility Friend has me ovulating anytime from this Saturday to Saturday the 24, so I'll probably start taking OPKs over the weekend to catch the right days.

In general life news, we got a new addition to the family this weekend!

While she's not of the human variety, she's pretty darn cute. She's a 12 week (ish) all black cat who's seems to be getting some silver in her coat. Mama cat decided to have her litter in an attic of a house, and when animal control came to take away the rest of the kittens, momma couldn't get back in, so she was left alone. She was caught by the vet that we adopted Mika from (our orange and white cat who I've written about before,) who then emailed me right before we left for vacation, asking if we had room for another kitten. I let her know that we were about to leave and didn't feel comfortable leaving the two cats together without our supervision, but if she was still available when we got back, we'd love to see how she got along with Mika. 

Come last Monday, we were told that Black Kitty (we still haven't come up with a name for her yet,) was still available. I asked the vet if we could pick her up on Friday and see how she got along with Mika over the weekend. I didn't want to promise to adopt her and then learn that Mika, being the priss she is, wouldn't tolerate another cat. 

Friday came, and Keegan and I picked her up together. She was so timid that the vet tech let us take the green cat climber that she had claimed as hers home with us so that she'd have something familiar to stay in. We put her, the climber, a litter box, and food and water in one of our spare bedrooms and closed the door to let her get used to her new surroundings. Friday night through Sunday, we'd go into the bedroom a few times each day to talk and play with her so that she could get comfortable with us. She's still quite skittish, and jumps when there's an unexpected noise or when Keegan laughs, but she's so much more relaxed around us than she was on Friday. 

We left the bedroom door open a crack so that Mika and Black Kitty could see and sniff each other. There was some hissing from Mika, which we expected, but Black Kitty just seemed to want to be friends. One time, when I was holding her, she jumped out of my arms and ran right up to Mika which took Mika by surprise. She really seems to come out of her shell when she's around another cat. 

Last night, while Keegan and I were watching a movie, we took Black Kitty out of her room and let her roam around the couch with us. Mika hopped up a few times to sniff her out, but seemed generally uninterested. Near the end of the night, Black Kitty jumped down from the couch to explore our living room. There was some stalking form Mika, but thankfully, no more hissing. I think that we're going to try a few more nights of supervised interaction and then let Black Kitty out of her room permanently over the weekend.  

She's only 12 weeks, but already about the size of Mika, so we expect her to grow up to be the size of a normal cat. Her eyes are constantly round and huge, and I'm not sure if that's because she's still not 100% comfortable around us, or if that's just who she is. It's a huge contrast to Mika's eyes which are normally slits that looks like she's constantly judging you. I think that with time and some more loving from us, she'll grow to be a well adjusted member of our family. 

Anyone have a good name for a black cat? We're considering calling her Tufts because she has these strange tufts of fur coming out of her ears, but we're not sure if those are going to be permanent.  

Oh, FFS!*

Last night I received a letter stating that I have to pay my doctor's office all of the claims that were previously sent to my insurance totaling in over $1,800.

Cue head exploding

Let's back up, shall we?

Back in May, when we decided to go ahead and schedule my HSG, I was freaking out, trying to figure out how we were going to pull $4,000 out of thin air. I knew that the insurance I have through Keegan's work wouldn't cover any of the cost, so I decided to call up the insurance my dad has, (for some reason,) kept me on. Thankfully, they said they would cover the entire procedure, minus the $250 deductible.

Fast forward to the day of my HSG and I'm sitting in an office in the hospital discussing insurance and payment. I told the lady that I wanted to put my dad's insurance as primary because they would cover the procedure and Keegan's as secondary, just in case, thinking this had nothing to do with how my regular doctor's office billed my claims. I swiped my debit card for the $250 deductible and went on my way to get x-rays taken of my lady bits.

My HSG was almost two months ago and we haven't heard anything from either insurance company, until last night. We got a letter from my doctor's office saying that "BCBS (Blue Cross Blue Shield) recently recouped all previously paid claims stating "other primary insurance..."  as well as stating that we owe $1,826.

Basically, because I used my dad's insurance to cover the HSG, BCBS thinks I have other primary insurance so they shouldn't have to cover any of my claims from the last year. I honestly didn't realize that making my dad's insurance primary for the HSG would affect my claims, especially all of the ones from the last year!

So, now we're stuck. Keegan is going to call BCBS to explain what happened, but from what I understand, we have a few options:

• We can keep my dad's insurance as primary and submit all of my claims from the last year to see if they'll cover any of them. 
• We can keep my dad's insurance as primary and pay the $1,826
• We can make BCBS primary for the HSG and submit the claim to them to see if they'll cover anything. Since I know they won't we'll have to pay the $4,000. 
• Figure out how long I'll have to keep my dad's insurance before switching back to BCBS without having to pay back any of the claims. I'm thinking the beginning of 2014? 

Either way I see it, we're boned. Am I the only one who didn't realize this would happen? I honestly thought that since the hospital and my doctor's office are two separate offices, making my dad's insurance primary wouldn't affect the insurance at my OB/GYN. Looking back, I guess since my OB/GYN was the one who ordered the procedure, they would be the one to file the claim, right?

More than anything, I'm embarrassed this happened. I guess I was so nervous out about the procedure as well as excited that we found a way to cover it, I didn't think when I gave the hospital my dad's insurance. I'm also mad that we have to go through this. It all comes back to the "most women can get pregnant with a bottle of wine and a night with their husbands while I'm paying thousands of dollars just for the chance" mentality that I'm sure we've all had.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm sure I'm not the first one to mess things up like this, right?

*I figured "Oh for fuck's sake!" wasn't an audience pleasing title

I'm Back!

Well, technically we got back Saturday evening, but this is the first opportunity I've had to sit down and write. Sunday was our first wedding anniversary which we spent driving to Alabama to do some shopping at Sam's and to take part in the tax free weekend. Thankfully I had Monday off, so I spent it trying to tidy up the house a bit, get laundry done, and generally get prepared for a week back at work. Today, I'm back at work, working writing a blog post. Obviously my mind is still on vacation.

Since I'm still not quite put together, you get a recap of the last week in bullet points!:

• First of all, I want to say thank you to Tasha from Frozen OJ and Teresa from Where The *Bleep* Is Our Stork for guest posting for me. You ladies helped keep this blog running while I was gone and had some wonderful posts that I'm happy to have on my blog. Thank you again! 
• I'm considering doing a vacation recap, but since this is mostly an infertility blog, I'm not sure if there would be any interest. Thoughts? I'd share pretty pictures! 
• While on vacation, I took a break from infertility. Thankfully I was in my two week wait which meant that I didn't have to worry about taking OPKs or trying to fit in some sexy time with my husband. I did bring my thermometer with the intentions of temping, but I was getting up at random times and didn't have internet to input the data into Fertility Friend, so I said screw it and left it in my suitcase. For a few days it felt strange, but overall, I didn't really miss it. In fact, I've had a hard time getting back in the habit since we've been home. I have however, missed the data that it provides.
• On that same note, this cycle was another no-go. I started spotting on Sunday which continued until this morning with a full flow starting mid-morning today. This cycle's two week wait was the easiest I've ever had to deal with since I was on vacation, but the failure still sucks. 
• While we were away, I got a letter from my doctor saying I'm due for my annual exam. Thoughts:
• At least two people see my lady bits every month. You'd think they'd be able to do that exam while they're already poking around without me having to make a separate appointment. 
• My doctor said after my HSG, he wanted us to try naturally for three more cycles. Today marks the beginning of cycle 3 which, as I see it, means I have three options: 
• Option 1: Make two separate appointments: one for my annual exam during this cycle, and my "what's next?" appointment next month once we see how this cycle pans out. 
• Option 2: Make an appointment for my annual exam and my "what's next?" session during this cycle even though we don't know if I'll get pregnant. 
• Option 3: Make an appointment for my annual exam and my "what's next?" session next month once we see that I'm not pregnant how this cycle turns out.
• Personally, I'd rather get them both out of the way at the same time, and earlier if possible, but I don't want to make my "what's next?" appointment too early and get turned away if it hasn't been the full three cycles. Any thoughts? I'm probably over thinking this.
• I'm still getting caught up on your blogs from this past week, so forgive me if you get a random comment on a week old post. I know that there have been a few births and BFPs lately; I'm excited to read all about them! 

To My Husband On Our First Anniversary

Keegan,

Wow, I can't believe it's already been a year. At times I can't believe how fast a year has gone, and at others, it seems like it's been so much longer.

I am so unbelievably lucky to have you as a husband and best friend. To be perfectly honest, one of my biggest fears I had when we decided to move in together, hundreds of miles from both of our families, was that I would get tired of being around you almost 24/7. Since our entire relationship up to that point was spent living miles away and only seeing each other on the weekends, I was worried that we would get on each other's nerves easily. I'm proud to say that I love every minute I spend with you no matter what we do. We're both perfectly content to stay at home and watch Netflix or spend time on our computers, but we also both enjoy going out with our friends and discovering new places.

I love that you blend in well with my family, both immediate and extended. My family is extremely important to me and it makes my heart swell with love to see you interact with them. I know that my family loves you as well and that couldn't make me happier.

I'm so proud of what you've accomplished in the time we've been together, but especially in this last year. You've gone from a young college student thrown into a difficult position in a rough and tumble industry, to an extremely hard working man who gets the friendship and respect of his coworkers. I can't thank you enough for all of the work you do to support our family.

Over this last year, my love for you has grown more than I ever thought it could. I can't thank you enough for being by my side during my highest highs and my lowest lows. As we both know, this baby makin' journey has been tougher than we ever thought it would be, but I couldn't imagine anyone else by my side. Our children are going to be so lucky to have you as a father.

Thank you for being my best friend, my cuddle buddy, my rock and my love. My hope is that we have many more years together as amazing as this last one has been.

Engagement picture

Wedding picture

A few days before our first anniversary