Thursday, June 27, 2013

June Blogging Challenge Day 26 - Newbie Advice

Ah, newbie advice. Below are some things I wish people had told me when I first started down this road to infertility.

  • First and foremost, have the most wild, kinky, racy sex with your husband/partner now, because in a few months, whenever you mention sex, he'll roll his eyes at you and then promptly fall asleep after the deed is done. I know it's hard to imagine, but sex stops being fun. 
  • Remember that your husband hasn't been spending all of his working waking hours researching, reading, and consulting Dr. Google, so his knowledge of infertility is probably pretty limited. Don't get frustrated that he's less than enthusiastic when you tell him that you got a smiley face on your OPK so you have to DTD (otherwise known as TI) and you have EWCM so now's the best time. Oh, and that you'll wait to test until 14DPO so that you don't get a negative pee stick. 
  • You'll have friends, especially on Facebook, who will complain announce their pregnancy on the day that you've found out your most recent cycle was a negative. They have this handy "hide" button so that you can hide those posts until you're ready to see baby bumps and sonogram pictures again. Use it.
  • People will give you assvice such as "just relax," "maybe it's God's will" "perhaps you weren't supposed to be parents," etc. Ignore them. If you must interact with them later down the road (relatives, co-workers, your husband's boss,) politely excuse yourself from their presence and then come bitch to us. We'll have your back. If you just really don't like them, or are never going to see them again, feel free to go on a 15 minute rant about your husband's wonky sperm and why drinks on the beach aren't going to get you knocked up. 
  • Along those lines, get a good support system. Sure, your husband/partner and your family (if you tell them) can be good cheerleaders, but they (probably) don't know what it's like to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to have yet another ultrasound tech stick a condom-covered camera up your ho-ha. Either join your local RESOLVE group, find a close girl friend, or start a blog as a way to talk to someone who knows exactly what you're going through. 
  • Yes, having someone other than your significant other look at your lady bits is embarrassing the first time around. Just remember that this is what s/he does for a living, so to them, it'll just be another day at the office. I promise it gets easier. 
  • While we're struggling to pop out one kid, the rest of the world will continue to procreate. Do what you need to do in order to survive baby showers. A few tips:
    • One day when you're feeling strong, do all of the baby shopping for other people that you think you'll need for the year. Or, while buy things you didn't realize you needed at Target, pick up all 10 of those baby onesies that are on sale. You never know when someone in your life is going to get knocked up, so having a stash of gender neutral gifts in you closet makes it easer to deal with a baby shower rather than having to go shopping the day after your IVF cycle was canceled. 
    • For me, the general rule about baby showers is: if you know them well (i.e. family members, a close co-worker, your maid of honor,) you should go to the shower. I know it sucks, but it'll mean the world to them. If they're someone you don't see all that often (a third cousin, some random lady from accounting) then while it would be nice for you to go, it's a little more acceptable for you to come up with an excuse. Just make sure to send a gift or a card so that they know you're thinking about them. 
  • This road is long and hard, so I think that finding small ways to treat yourself is important. If you're on Clomid, treat yourself with a massage for not killing your husband in a hormone induced rage. If you're doing IVF, give yourself a handful of M&Ms after your injections. If you have yet another failed cycle, make your husband be DD and treat yourself to a strong drink (or two.) 
  • While Dr. Google can be helpful, take his (her?) advice with a grain of salt. While yes, there is that random woman out there who got pregnant after standing on her head while eating pineapple and drinking pomegranate juice, that doesn't mean that it'll work for you. You're paying your doctors the big bucks for a reason, so while they don't always seem like they know what they're doing, you should probably listen to them before that random woman on the interwebs. 
  • That being said, it's important to be your own advocate. While your doctor may not always fulfill your wishes, s/he should be respectful enough to hear you out. 
  • I think the most important piece of advice is to keep a strong relationship with your partner. Having a child will not fix the cracks that infertility creates, so having a strong foundation before bringing a child into this word is important. Realize that this time is difficult on your partner as well, even if they're not the ones sticking themselves with needles every day. Take time to be with each other and not talk about infertility. Remember that you're with your partner, not for their baby making abilities, but because you fell in love with them.  
This time is tough, but if you're able to persevere through it, I promise it'll be worth it in the end.

If you'd like some more advice, go check out Stupid Stork's post. She's wonderfully witty and gives awesome advice.

So ladies, did I miss anything? What would be some advice you'd give to someone who just found out they'd be going down the infertility road?


  1. Great list!

    One I might add: Buy a bunch of cute socks! If you're going to spend so much time in stirrups, you might as well look cute doing it! ;)

  2. And thanks for pointing me to that post by Super Stork. Like everything she writes, it is brilliant. Case in point:

    "All of these tests mean that you will be spending an afternoon with your legs in the air, with 3-5 people inserting crazy things into your vajajay (a wand? A teapot? A small collection of toy trucks? You won't know after awhile) looking and feeling like an advertisement for gang rape."

    1. I know, right? I don't remember how I found her, but I'm beyond excited that I have.

  3. I see these sorts of posts often, but I have to say that this one was my favorite "advice for the newly infertile" post I've read! The stuff about baby showers is especially valuable. I don't remember who, but a blogger once wrote that her mom always does her baby shower shopping for her. I think that's so cool and kind of her mom! I want to make sure to offer that for other infertiles if a situation like that comes up.